Andre Kish (Street Articles Author)
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Internet Marketing Advice From A Victorian Plumber.

Hello – I’m Bert. I was born in 1815, just after the Battle of Somewhere I can’t quite remember ‘coz me memory is getting duff. I last saw daylight when they shut me in that box a hundred years ago and beggared ‘orf. Stuck me in an asylum somewhere or other, they did. ‘Cor, ta for that’ says I.

But me parole’s come up and they kicked me out!

Now, what does a poor old plumber from Vicorian England do nowadays? I know – internetwotsinteresting racketeering, that’s the thingy wots popular these days. What dear old Queen Vic would ‘ave said is beyond me. She’d have fainted if she saw some of the stuff on this ‘ere interestingnet wot everyone keeps goin’ on about. What’s that then? I ask meself. Must be like one of them new mail coaches we’ve heard about. Apparently, you can get a lectric male down one of the thingies it’s got and he turns up somewhere at random just to make life interesting after all. Still, we could always sell the dear old queen some smellin’ salts and revive her, like. She’d faint again when someone told ‘er about all the rude stuff, so it’s smelling salts all round when you gets near the interestingnet thingy malarkey.

Back in my day i was a bit of an expert when it came to pipes. Maybe I should go down one and see if I can get that lectric male out just in case he’s stuck in a U-bend or summat. He might start to pong an’ no-one likes a bad whiff, do they. That’s one of me best lessons I’ve learned in life. No-one likes it, so it’s best not to stuff any of them there lectric males down yer pipes ‘coz some geezer called BroadBand gets all huffy, and eventually he starts to stink. Then you’ll have to call in ‘the hackers’ to see if they are any good at hacking bits off when yer computer’s broke. I’m gettin’ the hang of this interestingindeed thing now. It doesn’t take long, does it? And it’s amazing wot yer can shift with a drain unblocking plunger. I bet it’d have no trouble at all with a lectric male.

When Wealthy Affiliate told me all about their certification I was right up fer it. I ain’t been certified in ages so I’m getting a bit rusty. It’s ‘ard work when ev’ry one else on the planet is insane. That’s when them moving and talking pictures wot teaches yer stuff is handy. Never seen the like of ’em. The plots are a bit rubbish but they all turn out right in the end, which is luverly ‘coz I do like an ‘appy ending. And when ev’ry one goes ‘ome rich I has ter git me ‘ankie ‘owt and ‘avva good old blow. They should all get Oscars.

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