Do you think your spouse is cheating? You don’t have solid proof, but something is different: he’s different, and you fear the worst. Whether you have proof or not, the suspicions eat away at you, leaving you fearful and anxious. Suspecting your partner of infidelity is a devastating feeling.

Rachel and Mark

Most affair victims start noticing small differences; maybe he seems distant and moody. Sometimes the differences are out of character for him, like Rachel’s husband.

Mark spent several thousand dollars on a, new wardrobe. You may wonder why this is cause for suspicion. Men, like women, want to look good, they like dressing up in new styles. However, for Rachel, this change was a big red flag, because Mark was a jeans and t-shirt guy: he never cared for keeping up with the latest fashion trends.

Not only, did Mark add a new wardrobe, his grooming habits became more meticulous. He started buying hair and skin-care products when in the past, he always thought that was ridiculous behavior for men. When he started working out a month later, all of Rachel’s internal alarms started screeching, and she knew something was wrong.

Suspicions eat away at you and your marriage foundation as your mind develops wild imaginings that only serve to fuel your anger. However, they also give you early warnings that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. In Rachel’s case, Mark’s behavior was moving so far-off base that her suspicions helped her to see, early on, that something in their marriage needed fixed.

The Mental Suspicion Filter

Building a mental filter for your suspicions makes it easier to decide which suspicions to act on which ones to leave alone. When you start imagining all kinds of wild scenarios for everything your partner does, the filter helps you separate warranted suspicions from ones that aren’t. It helps you decide which suspicions to confront him with. Plus, the mental filter helps fix what’s wrong, bringing you and your spouse closer together.

Step 1: Analyze Your Feelings

Once you discover there’s a foundation for your suspicions, it’s time to look closely at your feelings. You must decide which suspicions to confront your spouse about which ones to ignore.

First, start analyzing your thoughts. Keeping his behavior in mind, decide if the reasons for your suspicions are logical.

Step 2: Which Suspicions to Address

Now decide whether it’s worth addressing certain suspicions. Some are very important and addressing them is critical. When you have serious issues, dealing with them helps build trust in your spouse as long as he is willing to discuss them openly and honestly.

However, discussing unreasonable suspicions may harm your marriage. If there is a legitimate change in your spouse and your suspicions are illogical, it’s best to ignore them.

Step 3: Get Rid of the Guilt

If your reasons for questioning your spouse are legitimate, you have to try to move past the pain. To repair your marriage, you have to trust him again. However, it’s common to be leery of his fidelity. Never feel guilty about bringing your suspicions into the open. You are not to blame for his lack of judgment.

When injured by an affair, the victim’s feelings of betrayal and lack of trust continue well after the spouse makes changes. Suspicions are a natural reaction and learning to cope is an important part of healing.