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Affairs In American Culture
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Affairs In American Culture

First Comes Marriage

We all know affairs have been going on since time began and as long as we have both sexes on the planet they always will. People enter into an actual contract by law when they sign a marriage license and say their vows before a person who is lawfully allowed to sign the contact and declare these two persons as "married". Since fifty percent of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce according to that latest statics everyone has heard, "til death do us part,' isn't alway the outcome. Now I am not going to announce to the world that I know why they don't last of course there are a number of reasons. My focus is one reason the affair. My belief's may be very different from the average person out there on marriage so please realize this is just my individual opinion. After the big wedding, beautiful dress, big expectations and promises married couples settle into a normal life routine. The bills, the jobs, running and maintaining a household and not feeling the same in relationships with still single friends. The couple have expectations of what responsibilities each one of them hold in this "contract".

The Honeymoon Is" So" Over

Life has a way like it or not of interferring in your dream marriage and that beautiful woman or handsome man has flaws and personality traits that didn't bother you too much before, you may have even thought they were "cute," before you had to live with them everyday. Now after a hard day at the office, a headache and the stress of driving back and forth to work the cuteness wears off. Her, doing her yoga for an hour or so right in front of the big screen T.V. you would like to watch to relax right now. Him, shedding his clothes and leaving them right next to but not in the laundry basket. Those are small things I agree, but as you are going through the bills, and the credit card you are trying to pay down has a new three hundred dollar charge for a purse and another two pair of shoes to add to 30 or so other pairs, hairs bristle on the back of the neck. Now it's her turn, she asked you to throw a load of clothes in the laundry which you did, along with her one hundred and fifty dollar favorite wool skirt that now her 7 year old niece will fit in. Now the battle begins, her angry blood red face isn't really beautiful and warm at the moment, and your mussed up hair, unshaven face with your old ugly sweat pants is not exactly Prince Charming.

As Time Passes

We get comfortable which is normal in our old baggy clothes at home, the nights out for dinners and interesting talk do not happen much anymore if at all and the sexy nighties are somewhere in the back of the closet. He doesn't feel like your dream man, and she doesn't feel you find her the intelligent, sexy, and a "ten" girl anymore. He starts hearing the same thing from his married friends, you from yours, maybe your boss is on your back about your work performance and you start feeling low, depressed, unattractive. The husband in the picture maybe going through much of the same thing. His boss is a real narcissistic nightmare and with a mortage and other bills to pay he wonders how long he can take it. You both come home stressed out, angry and just want to seek refuge in different stress relief outlets. You don't feel like talking about who's boss is the worst or who is feeling more down than the other. So where is the love? It's there hopefully, just buried under life's realities.

The "Third" Person Enters The Story

An attractive male or female at the office has been showing you some extra attention, complementing your looks, work ethic the way that dress or that shirt looks like it was made just for you. Suddenly you find yourself looking in the mirror, putting on that special perfume, or that wonderful smelling aftershave. Who doesn't like to feel special especially when your self esteem is about hitting the floor at this point. Next thing you know it's coffee breaks together, long talks about the job he or she seems really interested in what you have to say. They gaze at you like you are a prince or a princess and you both feel the magic. You find you both have a lot in common, love the same books, the same movies, it goes on and on. So intoxicating are these feelings after all love, sexuality and the need to bond with another is ingrained in all of us. Finally a special moment a fierce longing just explodes and it happens. You feel guilty, happy, fulfilled all at the same time.

American Views On The "Affair"

In Europe and other countries around the world affairs are not viewed the way they are in the U.S. We have all heard and read what happens when presidents, senators and other famous people have their private lives unfold in the public eye. Oh the horror, the shame, how could he or she? From what I have read and noticed in the news about European's they think American's blow these things way out of proportion and it's no big deal in their world. If you notice however they do not rush to the divorce courts and many men and women have affairs with a person for years and still remain married. Am I saying it is the right thing to do? I really don't have the answer since I don't like to judge other people's personal lives. Not let me make this clear we are not talking about serial cheaters here. Those folks I feel have a problem and that can affect your loved one not just mentally but could endanger their health as well! Not one of us really knows what goes on behind closed doors in any marriage but our own. Marriages can survive affairs and one thing I do not think that works is the breaking up of the marriage and thinking marriage to this other person is going to be a beautiful fairy tale. Life will hit that relationship just as it hits others.

Is There An Answer?

I personally do not have an answer for you. Life and people, love and sexuality are complex things. There are many marriage counselors, therapists and (always Dr Phil,) who claim you can make your marriage "affair proof" if you work on it. I just hope for people to find happiness however they can and find the help they need. The affair, it's something as I have stated, that has been with mankind forever. It will continue to feed the tabloid beast and is not going away.


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