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After An Affair - Do You Think That Accepting Your Husbands Point Of View Destroys You?
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Do you really believe that if you accept his opinion and change your own mind that it makes you weak? If this is the case then getting the marriage back on to a sound footing could be very difficult indeed. Did you always feel like that? Or were you once prepared to listen to his opinion and then change your mind about an issue and was he prepared to do the same?

If your communication was always so difficult, that you could not respect the other person’s point of view, then the fact that the marriage has deep rifts cannot be a surprise and it will be very hard to mend.

Research by Brent Atkinson, a Ph.D., has found that the fact that couples argue and that at the start of an argument they are prepared to fight their corner, does not mean that the marriage is doomed. In fact it can mean that it is quite healthy.

What is important is that at the end of the argument, you were both able to safely express your opinions and feelings, then accept that each had a valid viewpoint. This means that the argument can be resolved by compromise and not fester in the background, destroying the atmosphere in the marriage. 

So conflict in itself is not the problem, it is the way that it is dealt with and resolved that can make the marriage work. If you simply give in after all arguments, it will make you resent the other person. Whereas the other person may disrespect you, as you are seen as some sort of doormat, whose views are not valid.

You need to work as a couple on a different way of solving arguments in the marriage. You could try these stages.

Stage one - seeing their opinion as authentic. Just because you did not mean the remark you made to be hurtful, does not mean that they did not actually perceive it as hurtful. Can you accept this? Listen carefully to the things your partner says in the argument, to see if there is something that you can accept as an authentic feeling. Encourage them to express their viewpoint and acknowledge the points you can accept verbally.

Stage two - it is important to find an understanding. Ask calm questions, to find out what part of your point of view are they willing to accept. See if this helps to gets the argument resolved.

Stage three - refuse to feel walked over. Just because you accept that his arguements have justification, it does not mean that your own thoughts and feelings do not have merit. Compromising for the sake of your marriage does not show weakness, but will help you approach disagreements without the fear of completely losing your way every time.

I would like to congratulate you for making such effort as is necessary to rebuild your marriage. It is never likely to be easy, but with the right attitudes and persistence, you put the odds in your favour to make staying together worthwhile.


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