This Article is About
communication skills
non verbal communication
personal appearance
emotional connection
many different types
gentle touch
perfume
After The Affair - Is It Time To Boost Your Communication Skills?
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Too few people seem to realise that communication is the most important thing that any couple can work on in a relationship. There are many different types of communication, but unfortunately many of us forget that.

Even the simple non-verbal communication, like a smile, or a gentle touch and a shared glance can often be withdrawn at a bad moment. They can then be forgotten about and never started up again. The loss of these simple sharing actions can contribute greatly to your loss of emotional connection.

When you are in the process of repairing your marriage after an affair, you need to take a good look at your emotional connection, to see if it needs strengthening. Here are some ideas for ways to strengthen your emotional connection, for the good of your marriage.

Firstly, ask yourself a couple of questions. When did you last spend time trying to understand something new about your partner, or telling him something new about you? Have you withdrawn some of the verbal or non-verbal intimate communications, which used to be part of the daily working of your marriage?

Are you answering yes to either or both of these questions? Well then you could well have lost your emotional closeness. This can happen slowly, over a long period of time. Because it is such a subtle change, then you will probably not have noticed it, until it has become a problem.

Now that you have recognized the problem, you can start and rebuild, but it cannot happen all at once. It would feel false to both of you and so not work - in fact might even be counterproductive.

If you think it is only a slight problem, then you can try and return to previous levels today, but I would still take it slowly. Perhaps you could try the non-verbal first; greet him with a smile, say goodbye and add the time you will be back. See you at five - ish.

Maybe you could take a little more care over your personal appearance, even when there is only him to see you. Use the perfume you use to work at the weekend as well, and fix your hair in the morning, rather than just scrape it back off your face.

Here are a few other ideas to help communication grow.

Idea 1: Try to have a 'normal' conversation. By  this I mean have a conversation not an argument, share something that does not hurt either of you.

Idea 2: Try and see things from another point of view. For example, you might be very unhappy about some thing your spouse tells you, about something you have done.

It is important not to fly straight into defensive mode. Try to see how it might have made him feel, even though you know you did not intend it to do that.

Idea 3: Stop making accusations. Speak about how you feel about something, rather than blaming him for having done it.

These are not necessarily easy, but I can promise you they are very worthwhile and can help more than you can imagine in setting your marriage on track.

Day by day step by step, share some good things, try the non-verbal route. Give love and appreciate it when you get love. This will all help in that journey to survive after an affair.


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