The internet has enriched our lives in so many ways. However one of the unpleasant “side effects” of the advances in all kinds of communication and information technology has been the rapid increase in the number of marriages ruined by so-called “emotional” affairs.

What is an emotional affair?

Simply put, is an emotional affair is an instance where one spouse develops intense feelings for another without physically consummating the relationship. Simpler still, your husband or wife is “in love” with someone else but gets to feel that they are not actually being unfaithful because they are not having sexual relations with the other party.

Is an emotional affair cheating?

Coming from the standpoint of someone who was married over 20 years, I have to tell you that the fact that your husband is in love with someone else, maintaining a relationship with them and sharing emotional intimacy hurts a whole lot more than if you were to learn your husband got drunk at a party and made a stupid one time mistake with someone they’ll never see again. Yes, an emotional affair is cheating. In fact I would go so far as to say that any time your spouse looks outside the marriage to fulfill a need (sexual, emotional or otherwise) that should be getting met inside the marriage, they are cheating.

What are the warning signs of an emotional affair?

As previously mentioned, the advances in technology have greatly improved the ease with which people can make and maintain emotional connections. So many of the warning signs revolve around technology. They include:

• Your spouse’s cell phone never leaves their side. It used to be kept on the kitchen counter, now it is always in their pocket or purse. Maybe they have put a password protection on their phone.
• When you do get to check their cell phone (hint, when they are in the shower is usually your best opportunity) all of the calling history or texts messages will usually be erased.
• Maybe there are a suspicious number of calls to a legitimate seeming number (example, John is your husband’s friend. He has 3 different numbers listed for John. Maybe 2 belong to John and 1 does not). Few people are stupid enough to list their lover in their cell phones by their name.
• Your spouse’s internet and computer habits have changed. Maybe they have a new email account, spend way more time than they used to on-line. A big red flag is if the computer’s browsing history is always erased, or your spouse quickly closes the browser when someone walks in the room.

Other signs of an emotional affair are going to be the same as any other type of extra marital affair. These include:

• A sudden emotional or physical distance between you.
• A reluctance to engage in “couple only” activities. An overall withdrawal from family life.
• A new found interest in their appearance, wardrobe, personal grooming or working out.
• Taking up a new hobby or a regular scheduled “night out” with friends you are unlikely to run into.

If you suspect your spouse is involved in an emotional affair it may not too late to take back control of your marriage. Most experts agree that the best way to "affair proof" your marriage is to establish a habit of healthy marriage habits. That's not to say the emotional affair is your fault, but it means that you are not a helpless victim, and there are actions you can take to reignite your marriage. And the very internet technology that might have helped feed your spouse's emotional affair, can also provide you with the information and tools you need to save your marriage.

I wish you the best of luck.