Are you having a hard time getting over an affair that your partner or spouse had?  This is very common for most people that have discovered the fact that their spouse has had an affair.

It is possible that you feel that you need to sit down with your spouse and discuss what has happened concerning the affair.  You may have some questions that you feel that you need answers to.

Before you sit down with your partner and have a discussion, you should sit down and think a few things through.  You will want to stop and think about exactly what questions that you feel need to be answered.  Write down the questions so you will know exactly what you want to say, and you will not forget anything.

You want to make sure that you really do need this information from your partner about the affair.  In the questions you want to ask, make sure that you go over them for a few days and that it is information that you really need. 

There are some things that you really do not need to know, and it may make things worse if you question your partner about them.  Your partner may feel that there are some things concerning the affair that they had, that you definitely do not need to know, and he may refuse to discuss certain aspects of it with you.  This is not your spouse trying to be mean, it is just that it could damage the marriage or relationship more than it would help either of you.  You both are trying to heal yourselves as well as your relationship, you do not want it to regress due to disclosure of certain unnecessary facts .

If you definitely decide that there are some questions that you would like to have the answers to, then you need to understand that you will not be able to get through the pain that the affair has caused you by simply finding out all of the details of the affair.

There are some questions that you should refrain from asking your partner, such as comparison questions.  You should not basically force them to answer questions that will compare you to the person that they had the affair with.  The affair is over and you do not need your partner to start comparing you to what the other person was like.

That could be stuff that you will regret knowing, will be extremely difficult, if not impossible to put out of your head.  You just don't want to open that can of worms.

What you need to do is ask a few questions that will help you understand just how serious the affair was.  You need to ask questions that will reassure you that your partner is being completely honest with you, and show that your partner is loyal to you.  Showing you that they are being totally honest and loyal to you will help you in coming to terms with your own feelings about the affair.

Just make sure that you really do need to talk about the affair.  Discussing it may only cause all of your emotions that you have gained control over, to erupt again.  This may cause your relationship to take a slide backwards, but if you are both determined to get through the discussion, any ground that you lose will be quickly regained.

To learn more about healing both you and your partner and your marriage or relationship, please check out the Marriage Sherpa at:  http://after-the-affair-surviving.blogspot.com