Seeking help after an affair is crucial. This is especially true if you're weighing all the pros and cons and trying to make a decision to stay or go!

Spending every waking moment dwelling over whether you should stay in the relationship or leave, is quite frankly tormenting. Day and night, these thoughts will take over, robbing you of your happiness, precious sleep, appetite, and making the most simplest of daily tasks feel impossible.

Not long ago I was listening to an interview with Lisa Nichols who was featured on "The Secret". She explained how relationships are the biggest areas of disruption in our lives. Our relationships can cause chaos, hurt, pain, stress and worry and this is especially true if your loved one has recently been unfaithful.

I found Lisa's interview inspiring as it gave me a shift in perspective to dealing with relationships in my life. Our limited beliefs (which we often don't realize we own) can make a huge difference in making life changing decisions such as the one to stay or go after your spouse has cheated.

Lisa explained one of the limited beliefs the majority of the population has is that all relationships should last a life time. Obviously, if you got married, it was in hopes you would remain together "till death due you part". But in today's society, we see this is happening less frequently.

There are 3 types of relationships -

1. Life Giving Relationship - This is a relationship which bring you a little life and excitement. This could be a one night stand that leaves a smile on your face, or a 2 year relationship which brings you out of a slump.

2. Life Time Relationship - This is the relationship every one hopes to be true when they walk down the isle on their wedding day. You will be together for the rest of your lives.

3. Purposeful Relationship - This is a relationship in which 80% of our population engage. These relationships are brought to you for a purpose. The purpose of the relationship could be to have children, learn boundaries, build a business, find your voice, talents or gifts. But once the purpose has been fulfilled, the relationship takes a turn. Here is where many people experience stress and turmoil because they want to hold on and force it to be a lifetime relationship when it's not.

You're spouse having an affair may or may not indicate which category your marriage falls into. But when seeking help after an affair and making the decision to stay or go, it is in your best interest to take some time and ask yourself some questions. These questions will not be easy to answer but if you do some soul searching and listen to your inner voice, you will likely see which relationship type you are and become clear on what to do.

Ask yourself -

• what has your relationship brought to your life?
• where do you think your relationship will take you in the future?
• Is the relationship stagnant, or is there still growing and learning involved?
• Can you find the courage to forgive and work on the underlying issue of your relationship?
• Most importantly, is there still love remaining?

Statistics reveal that more and more couples are seeking help after an affair and in turn, staying together despite experiencing the pain and deceit of an infidelity. Take your time in making the right decision for you. Numerous issues such as trust, intimacy and communication will need to be worked through. But keep in mind the rewards can be a happy, loving, life time relationship!