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How To Move On When Your Husband Had An Affair
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I often get correspondence from wives who are asking me “how to move on” after their husband has had an affair. For some, the term “move on” means leaving their husband behind and starting over alone. For others, it means moving on within their marriage with their husband by their side. So, in the following article, I will discuss moving on after a husband's affair for both scenarios.

Moving On Alone After Your Husband Had An Affair: Before I begin, I have to say that sometimes moving alone is the wife's choice and sometimes it isn't. Sometimes, the husband who had an affair doesn't want to work things out. And, sometimes it's the wife who doesn't want to work things out. First, I'll cover the scenario where the wife has made the decision to move on.

I think that many women suspect that this might be the least complicated option, although I never totally felt that way for more than a couple of days. Many wives feel that if they move on alone, they don't have to worry about “working things out” with their husband. They don't have to worry about fixing their marriage or determining how he feels or why he had the affair.

They figure that they can avoid this by removing him from the equation. But what they sometimes don't see coming is that if they don't do the work necessary to rebuild their self esteem and trust in other people, in a sense, the affair is going to continue to come up in other ways. I often tell wives that even if they decide that they don't want to save their marriage, there's still a little work to do so that they don't take resentment and distrust into the next relationship or incorporate those things into their life.

When Moving On Alone After His Affair Isn't Your Choice: As I said, sometimes the husband isn't sure what he wants, won't give up the affair, or is so horrified by what he's done, he figures the wife is better off without him. Many wives have a very hard time “moving on” when it isn't their choice to do so. And this is understandable because you're struggling with a situation that you didn't create while feeling as though you don't have much control over it.

That's why I advocate, in the event you can, take as much of your control and power back as is possible. You call the shots rather than be reactive. Even if you don't want to let the relationship go, you can take a break while he is sorting things out. You don't have to know all the answers today. You can vow to keep moving forward in as healthy a way as you can manage while putting one foot in front of the other even though it's difficult.

Here's the thing you have to understand. It's going to be painful no matter what, at least for a while. But if you conduct yourself in a way that you can be proud of, then you will know that your behavior isn't adding to the issue. He may or may not come around. You don't have to close the door if you aren't ready or don't want to do so. But you can commit to moving forward on your own while you are waiting.

If you're hoping he changes his mind, know that this may happen, but when or if it does, you are in the best position for it if you focus on your own healing and recovery first. If you are not worried at all about him, then the work is the same. You focus on yourself and what you need to heal and make no apologies for it.

Moving On With Your Husband After The Affair (Staying Married:) Frankly, since my blog discusses saving marriages after an affair, most of the wives who contact me really want to move on with their husband after his affair. Honestly, as simplistic as it sounds, the process is the same. You have to take a look at why this happened, put some tools in place to keep it from happening again, and make a commitment to rebuild yourself and the trust in the process.

You have to believe that this isn't your fault and that you can get through this. Moving on after an affair is hard enough without doubting yourself and not believing that you will get through this soon. You can and you will. Many of us who do move on after his affair do it on some days by sheer will. We're just determined that one day we are going to look back on this and realize that we've gotten through it and we made it to the other side.

I'm not going to tell you that it is easy. It isn't. Some days it's horrible. But, frankly, if you make it through and you dig deep and do the work that needs to be done, you can come away with a marriage that is actually better than what you started with. Believing this is one of the corner stones of moving on.

Many wives tell me that they really want to move on. It's their number one priority and their first goal, but they just can't seem to totally do it. Some days, things will be going well and others, they find themselves angry and hurt again. It can start to feel that it's never going to end. There's a couple of things that you can do when this happens.

Tell yourself that this is a process with starts and stops. It's truly normal to regress sometimes. However, if this is happening a lot, ask yourself where you're not getting what you need. Do you not feel he's remorseful enough? Do you feel he's not really listening? Are you deep down worried he might cheat again? Whatever is holding you back from moving on must be dealt with once and for all.

Because I can tell you this. The last thing you want to do is to allow this to follow you around for any longer than necessary. You deserve to be happy again and to be released from this and you must believe that this can happen.

How do I know all this? Because I had to deal with it myself. And I don't want to make it sound easy because it's not. But I did make it through. I did move on. And my marriage is actually better than ever. I have written out my story in the hopes it will help some one else. You can read more, by checking out my blog.


Street Talk

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