Dear Kurt:

My husband tells me that he still loves me but he also says that he loves her too and no matter what I say to him he still won't leave her. I think that he's more emotionally invested in her than me because she's all he thinks about. How can I get hm to come back to me and leave her. Is there anything I can say that will change his mind?

- Feeling Helpless

Dear Feeling Helpless

Many women find themselves in the same situation as you where their husband is still emotinally invested in their mistress despite the best efforts of their wife. In most caese he is still at home but not emotinally invested in the relationship and there are even times when he is actually living with her while still married to his current wife.

I really wish that I could tell you that there was a magic spell that you could cast on your husband that would make him leave his mistress and come back to you but the truth is there isn't. In most cases it takes a combination of different things to get him to come back and there's a right way and a wrong way to do it. In this article I'm going to give you some do's and don'ts on things you should say and do to get him back.

3 Phrases You Should Never Ever Say to Your Husband

"You Need to Choose Either Her or Me."

It's completely understandable why you would want to say this afterall he can't have both of you. However if you're going to issue an ultimatum then you need to be ready to walk if he chooses her over you. In most cases wives aren't prepared to do this so you need to know exactly what you want.

Aside from this, most people hate being told what to do. If you go this route it might push him to make a decision that he otherwise would not have made if you had given him more time but in most cases you're at the point where you can't afford to wait around any longer for him either. Just understand that this is quite risky especially if you sitll want to salvage your marriage.

“Leaving Her For Me Will Be The Biggest Mistake Of Your Life”

Issuing a threat has the same impact as an ultimatum and again you need to be ready to back it up. Again I understand why you would want to do this but in most cases threats put you at a severe disadvantage because if he gives in you'll never know if his decision was genuiine

“You're Making A Fool Of Yourself And Your Family.”

In a lot of cases, women will try and ridicule their husband into coming back to them by telling him how foolish he is for risking everything he's worked for on some woman he barely knows and who isn't really committed to him. Now you may be right however this won't win you any points and it won't bring you any closer to getting him back which is what you're trying to do.

What You Should Say To Him:

"I Can't Focus on Us While You Are With Her And I Know That You Will Make The Best Decision For Everyone Eventually.”

This is probably the best option as opposed to giving him an ultimatum because you're not nagging him. Instead you're telling him that despite your struggles you have confidence that he'll make the best decision for everyone involved but until that time comes you need to focus on your life. Let him know that you'll be supporting his decision and that when he makes the right one that you'll be there for him with open arms.

This may seem like a scary thing to do but I believe that it gives you the best of both worlds. You're urging him to come back to you and the family while at the same time not giving him the freedom to do what he wants but at the same time you're not applying too much pressure that he's resisting you.