After discovering the fact that infidelity has occurred (or is occurring) in a marriage, be it an emotional or physical affair, there is wide range of emotions that one is bound to experience. These include everything from severe sadness, mistrust, and hate to nausea, outright anger, and fear. And the list goes on: rejection, resentment, disarray, depression, loneliness, heartbreak…

Regardless of which emotions and feelings occur, it is important to realize they are all valid – there is an inordinate amount of emotional pain that is inherited upon discovery of any type of affair. Unfortunately, this is complicated by the facts surrounding the infidelity: circumstances and details of how things unfolded. These give rise to negative thoughts and imagery that continue to creep into the injured spouse’s mind. Worse, the human brain is very good at filling in any gaps with varied and likely scenarios making the pain even more constant and impactful.

Through all of the noise and chaos it is helpful to remember that time moves all people forward. And therein lies the key to surviving after an affair – each person must determine how best to move forward, for themselves, their family, and their friends. There is little to no chance of surviving an affair of any form (emotional or physical) unless plans for positive action are made and put in motion.

Respond After An Affair

Foregoing status quo (the act of doing nothing), there are positive options that will help pick up the pieces after an affair has been realized. Three of these options are as follows:

1. Counseling. Group and one-on-one sessions can be found professionally or through church. These can involve office visits to licensed professionals or through church leadership.
2. Coursework. The Internet, local library, and even local support groups offer free and paid classes, books, and other materials.
3. Discussion. On an individual, team, or group basis, this can take place anywhere in the range of formal intervention to informal conversation.

If part of the decided upon after the affair advice involves discussion, it is important to reach a mutual understanding of how much discussion is expected. It sometimes comes as a surprise, but agreeing not to discuss certain topics, or agreeing only to discuss them up to a certain limit, creates the best environment for success.

Whereas some believe that trust can only be reconstructed through a thorough understanding of all details, others find comfort not knowing the most intimate of details surrounding an affair. A form of "managing expectations," this has been shown to be helpful in avoiding the recurrence of negative imagery.

Whichever option is determined to be the best to move forward, it is important to note that the method must allow a way to handle the details of the affair. Further, there is no one path or combination that is proven to be more correct than another. Each course of action works differently and can address (or fail to completely address) the unique circumstances of each individual. It is important that a personal conclusion be made of which path is the most appropriate to take to survive after the affair.