This Article is About
apology
remorse
forgiveness
cheater
vows
mate
wounds
mistake
marriage
What If They Havent Apologized?
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Whether or not your mate has apologized, and asked you to forgive them, you may still be dealing with the hurt they have caused you and your family. It's tough: to forgive your cheating mate, or withhold your forgiveness and not let them feel better about their horrible actions? And what is sure to be worse?

What if they haven't apologized?

What about when they have not asked for forgiveness? After you find out about the affair, and your spouse acts as if it was nothing. Like you should just deal with it and get over it. This is the cheater trying to portray themselves as the injured one. While it is definitely your right to accept their apology, grant their forgiveness, this can't happen if they show no remorse. You will feel even more sad and angry at them, seeing that they took your vows so lightly. This just puts up a further road-block to being able to heal, and possibly save the marriage.

Does this guarantee the death of your marriage?

Is that what they want?

What does "I'm Sorry" mean to you?

You may absolutely need to hear those words come out of your mate's mouth. It's possible that you will not be able to take any of the healing steps, be able to move on, until you do. Until you hear those words, how can you know that your mate understands the hurt they have caused? How will you know that your spouse understands the huge mistake they made? Whatever the apology means to you, you know you must hear it before you can begin to move past the affair, and begin to heal.

So, what would happen if you never got to hear an apology?

How would you feel? Would you be unable to move forward? Is there no way that you can get out of neutral, and begin moving towards healing yourself? Your mate definitely owes you an apology, but how long are you willing to wait to hear it?

Are you willing to continue hurting for that long?

Do you want to give your spouse that kind of power: the ability to keep your wounds fresh and open?

What if they never figure out for themselves what they should do? How long are you willing to wait?

You need to learn what to do to begin healing yourself. There are things you can do, steps you can take in order to begin feeling better. Just doing something, instead of nothing will start you on the road to feeling better. You can learn to manage this problem; you can control your reaction to your spouse’s inability to apologize.

Always remember: Even if/after they apologize, you still have to decide if you are going to forgive them.

Forgive does not mean forget.

Do you let things move forward, or will you be stuck in neutral?


Street Talk

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