This Article is About
marriage vows
emotional intimacy
cheating husband
majority of men
married men
having an affair
Why Men Cheat On Their Wives - The Truth Will Surprise You
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In her last season of her ultra successful daytime talk show, Oprah stirred up a controversy with one of her guests, author M. Gary Neuman. In his recent book “The Truth About Cheating” Newman discussed his findings on research on why men cheat on their wives. Newman interviewed 200 men who had cheated on their wives, and 200 men who had remained faithful. And his findings went against the conventional stereotypes of a cheating husband.

Regrettably, a certain percentage of the population are going to cheat. Let’s get that right out of the way. There are men and women out there who are incapable of being monogomous and remaining faithful to their marriage vows. But chronic cheaters are actually a very small percentage of people who cheat, and that is not the demographic of husbands that M. Gary Newman focused on in his research. He was looking at the 25-45% of men who, although planning on being committed to their marriage, went ahead and found themselves having an affair anyway.

So first, let’s look at the stereotype of a cheating husband. He’s the guy who while claiming to work late, is having sex with a subordinate at his work who is younger, cuter and sexier than his wife. Sex with this fictitious woman is presumably exciting, fun and not complicated with domestic responsibilities and worries such as bill paying, household repairs and child rearing. It’s every wife’s nightmare and as she has less time and energy and confidence to strut regularly around in lingerie for husband, every wife’s secret insecurity.

Now let’s look at what M. Gary Nemwan found to be true about men who cheat on their wives. According to Newman’s research, when married men cheat it is not just about the sex. In fact, in only 12 % of the cases did the cheating husband say that the object of his affection was either prettier or in better shape than his wife. The vast majority of men claimed that what was missing in their marriage was not sex, but emotional intimacy. Now most women know that without a strong emotional intimacy, your husband is not going to be having much by the way of physical intimacy with you, so clearly the two are related.

However, it’s surprising to hear that the things most men are claiming leads to them straying (not feeling appreciated or admired, not feeling important) are mostly the same reasons that women claim to be unhappy in marriage. It turns out that many men are a lot more insecure than they would like to admit, and a lot more emotionally needy. It turns out that when women constantly focus on the negative (nag) their husbands, it not only irritates them, it hurts their feelings. Bottom line, when men cheat on their wives, it’s not usually just about the sex.

Many female Oprah viewers too offense to Mr. Newman’s findings, stating that in some way he was insinuating that the reasons men cheat are to do with his wife’s faults, and how she acts in the marriage. He later returned to the Oprah show to defend his statements, saying men must take full responsibility for their cheating, but that both spouses bare the responsibility of putting the correct energy and priority on their relationship, and in leading a “marriage centered lifestyle”.

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