Your spouse’s affair, while devastating, gives you a chance to look at your life and discover who you are and what your needs are. Ask yourself, “Is this who I want to be?”

Eventually, married people enter a comfort zone, not stopping to think about their lives, and if it’s providing what they want. When an affair comes along, it shakes up your world, forcing you to see things in a new light. This leaves you wondering what happened; when did everything change to where you lost sight of whom you are and what you want in life.

Even with the pain and turmoil your spouse’s affair wrecked on your life, it brings the opportunity for rediscovering yourself.

Who are You?

The discovery of the affair leaves you reeling, caught in the emotional turmoil your spouse caused. You felt secure in your marriage and thought you knew your partner and yourself. Now, feelings of anger and helplessness give you the desire to rediscover yourself; learn who you are and what you want from life.

Your spouse’s selfish error in judgment fills you with self-doubt. You question why he strayed and wonder what she has that you don’t. Is she smarter than you or prettier? You begin doubting yourself and your self-worth.

You never know what’s in someone else’s heart and why they choose to cheat, destroying the relationship the two of you built. You just know his stupid decision changed your life and how you look at it.

Rediscovering Yourself

Once your life is torn apart by infidelity, it’s as if you are starting over from scratch. You feel the need to start over and reinvent who you are. It’s time to move forward and redesign your life, considering your values, desires and needs. However, to make the needed changes, there are three critical steps to take.

Step 1: Face Your Pain

Your world is upside down, and your pain is so great you wonder whether it will ever go away. Emotional pain is just as stressful as physical pain; sometimes, it's more painful. However, there’s no magic pill to make it go away. It pounds at you day and night; you can’t escape it, and you can’t ignore it.

Start by defining your emotions. While it’s uncomfortable, recognizing your emotions helps you accept your pain and start the healing. By putting a name to these emotions, you rediscover the important things in your life which helps to ease the pain.

Step 2: Gain Perspective

The thought that the mistress is better in someway, haunts most affair victims. This leads to rebuking yourself for your looks, smarts or anything else you feel she is best at. Dealing with these negative and painful thoughts takes time. Your perspective on life is skewed right now, but you will get back to normal. It just takes time to regain what you lost.

Step 3: A Relief Plan

Facing the pain and gaining perspective is only part of the picture. If you don’t get rid of the negativity, it will eat away at you and slow the healing.

Write out a relief plan that gets you out of the house. Do things you enjoy like going to the gym, having lunch with friends or going to the park. Maybe you have a hobby like photography. What better stress reliever than getting out in nature with your camera.

Whatever you enjoy, make time for it and do it often. You need to feel you’re a part of the world around you and a life of misery is not what you’re destined for.