This Article is About
country music star
emotional change
anger management
angry all the time
few suggestions
good question
Transforming Anger
Join 1000's of Authors at StreetArticles Today!

Transforming Anger

Country music star Tim McGraw sings a song with this line: "I don't know why you gotta' be angry all the time." It's a good question for us to ponder, especially those of us who find ourselves expressing anger more than any other emotion. It's easy, however, to become so used to the feeling of anger that it begins to feel normal. It's not unusual for an angry person to fail to recognize that he or she is angry.

The internet and the bookstores are filled with all manner of tools under the category of anger management. There is no shortage of self-help items, some of them fairly effective and others not so much. The truth is that those of us who are truly angry and chronically angry have been this way for a very long time. It's not that simple to "manage" that away.

Certainly, we can be strong-willed enough if we want to be to manage our behavior that is caused by our anger. But that's just a case of behavioral modification. We can do that. We do it all the time when we walk away before slugging another person.

I'm suggesting another thing, something very different from managing our anger. I want to suggest that rather than managing our anger, perhaps we are able to transform it. Not merely changing our behavior, but literally changing the emotion that has the power to control us. Not just managing anger, transforming it. That is real inner change that lasts. That's genuine emotional change that goes beyond having the will power to walk away from a fight or an argument. Just walking away changes nothing. Consider also, that just walking away simply stores up that episode of anger to erupt at another time.

We can only store up so mach anger in the baggage we carry around with us in life. Pretty soon, the baggage will be so heavy that we won't be able to move it.

So what's all this rhetoric about transforming anger? How in the world does one go about doing that? I have a few suggestions, some of them quite simple and straightforward. Not all of them will work for every person, but some of them will work and will give you the power to transform the anger that controls your life. Here they are:

  1. DO walk away from a fight or an argument, but when you do, take some time to write your feelings in a journal. Reflect on what happened and write it down. Date the entry and keep it for future reference. After you have written about several instances of your own need to have an outburst, you may begin to see a pattern that will help you better understand yourself. Writing down emotions in some sense allows you to own them and even transform them.
  2. Find one trusted friend that will listen to your feelings of anger and give you a safe, non-volatile place to vent your anger. Use that person as your sounding board and someone who is able to reflect back to you what you are feeling.
  3. Own your angry feelings to the point of trying to discover what might be underneath all that anger. When you feel anger, if there sadness underneath it? Or fear? Try to discover what's underneath the masks you wear.
  4. Where does your anger really come from? Explore within yourself and try to determine the source of your anger. What is really hurting you? How long have you felt this anger? Again, what's underneath it?

These simple suggestions will not transform your anger overnight, but they are self reflective enough to be much more than anger management techniques. The next time you have a need to stop your angry behavior in it's tracks, commit yourself to also do a little inner exploration. You will find at some point that you are not merely managing angry episodes, you are transforming anger at its very core. That's real transformation.

Street Talk

There is nothing wrong in feeling angry; its the way we express it that separates the men from the boys. Well written

  about 9 years ago

I agree with this article. There us way to much anger in the world today. People need the skills to know how to deal with anger in a positive way. Thanks!

  about 9 years ago
You May Also Like
Communication Arguments Anger & Conflict #4
Wrong Messenger A few days ago while reading the newspaper, there was a story about tennis star Serena Williams, receiving coaching instructions from her older sister Venus. These instructions from father to her, because he felt she could get Serena to do anything. After the match, he congratulated Venus for…
By: Alfred DeCosta in  Relationships  >  Communication   Jul 20, 2012  
  Likes: 6

Transforming Anger In Young People
There is, without a doubt, a great deal of anger being expressed these days.Working with teenagers is one area where you will find young people enraged and, most often, having no idea why they are angry. The single most requested extracurricular class requested by schools these days is Anger Management.…
By:  in  Self Improvement  >  Anger Management   Aug 08, 2013  
  Likes: 2

Communication Arguments Anger & Conflict #3
How Men and Women Dealing with Infidelity The emotional response from a man or a woman caught in the act of infidelity, is quite different. I am not going to discuss the extreme cases where violence displayed, because of emotional hurt, but the basic communication response. In the case of…
By: Alfred DeCosta in  Relationships  >  Communication   Jul 17, 2012  
  Likes: 2

Communication Arguments Anger & Conflict #1
Many of the troubles, in this world, are the results of anger, by people who cannot control their violent emotion, this lack of control has made our cities and town unsafe, I will try to find out how and why man kind has not been able to control his communications,…
By: Alfred DeCosta in  Relationships  >  Communication   Jul 10, 2012  
  Likes: 3

Communication Arguments Anger & Conflict #2
This escalation of verbal conflict, if not controlled at its embryonic stage, could rise to verbal abuse and physical assault. In America whether it be man or woman physical or verbal abuse is an offence, you can't even spank your child for being rude. My sister told me a few…
By: Alfred DeCosta in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Jul 12, 2012  
  Likes: 3

Is Anger Ruining Your Relationship?
Maintaining a successful relationship is challenging, more so if you have anger management issues. Since no relationship is perfect, there will be times that you and your partner will fight and disagree. If you don’t know how to keep tabs on your anger, you might do or say something to…
By: Matt7 in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Aug 15, 2011  
  Likes: 0

Learn How to Better Manage Your Anger
We live in a very angry and cruel world. There are wars in many nations some we hear about on the news and some we know little to nothing about. There is violence in our major cities and even rural towns, maybe even in your own neighborhood or home. You…
By: Julie Larralde in  Self Improvement  >  Anger Management   Jul 07, 2011  
  Likes: 0

How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back After You Broke Up With Him
So you are wondering how to get your ex boyfriend back after you broke up with him. Boys and girls are different by nature and they see things in different views. If you cheated on him, then he may keep the anger for a long time. You should bear in…
By: Alex J Steve in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Oct 25, 2012  
  Likes: 21

How to Get Your Ex Guy Back - Easy Tricks To Get Him Adore You
Breaking up with someone you have been in a relationship with can be very hard or being broken up with can sometimes be even harder. Lots of the time once a couple has split up then that is that and they will either go off their own separate ways and…
By: A. B. Sahu in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Sep 03, 2012  
  Likes: 2

Use You Common Sense to Win Your Love Back
So you’ve split up but realise that you want to win your love back and you want to go about it the right way, without jeopardising any chances you have of getting back together. Many people want to win their love back but don't understand the correct way of going…
By: Molly Saker in  Relationships  >  Love   Dec 05, 2011  
  Likes: 3

Calling My Ex Boyfriend - What To Do And Say
Calling your ex boyfriend, or receiving a call from an ex boyfriend is no easy task. Especially if there are still feelings involved and your nerves are at an all time high. You will have to get over this discomfort though if you want it to be a success. The…
By: Charlotte Jane in  Relationships  >  Communication   Sep 05, 2012  
  Likes: 2

How To Get Your Ex Back Fast - Hereis The Fast Solution
So you are trying too hard to find out the possible ways of how to get your ex back fast. You have to learn the process to fix the problem to get your ex back. Maybe there are lots of reasons for your broken relationship, yet you can do something…
By: A. B. Sahu in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Feb 29, 2012  
  Likes: 2

How to Get Your Boyfriend Back After He Seems to Have Moved on
Sometimes it seems like your ex has moved on without you. You want to know how to get your boyfriend back now more than ever but you think it's impossible. It is possible that he hasn't moved on as much as you believe he has or even as much as…
By: T Dub Jackson in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Mar 14, 2011  
  Likes: 12

Randy Travis: Will Alcohol Ruin His Career?
Having a Bad Year So Far Randy Travis, who went through a messy divorce in 2010, was found with alcohol in his car earlier this year. He is a famous country music star, and pleaded no contest to a charge of public intoxication. He was found parked outside a church…
By: Sarah Mathews in  Self Improvement  >  Addictions   Aug 09, 2012  
  Likes: 1

Apple Intoducing the Itv, New Country Music on Television Shows, And the Downside Of TV Competitions
If Video Killed the Radio Star What Will the Internet do to TV? The digital revolution company Apple is at it again. After getting consumers addicted to all things "i" (iphones, ipads, ipods, imacs), what could they possibly come up with next? Well apparently the answer is iTV. Apple intends…
By: TC83 in  Arts and Entertainment  >  Movies TV   May 17, 2012  
  Likes: 0

Article Views: 2059    Report this Article