My wife and I celebrated 1 year of marriage today, January 5, 2014. It has been an amazing year filled with many different stories. The beautiful thing about this year is that we made it and we are even stronger because we have grown in so many different ways. I want to share some things I have learned during this first of many years of marriage.

5 Things I’ve Learned So Far…

1. Love tempers all disagreements- The greatest thing you can do is love each other. No matter what circumstances you face, love should always be in the middle of it. The first year is the “learning to live with you all the time” part of marriage. There are boundaries set and there are many things you have to figure out together. There will be times when disagreements spring up, but love can help relieve the circumstance and change the focus.

2. Perspective brings peace and patience- When perspective can be brought to a situation, it gives your relationship an unfair advantage. Many times, in life, the last thing we look for is perspective. We live in a world where proper perspective is lacking. We all, at some point, look for an angle or a way to make our viewpoint heard.

Benjamin Franklin said, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” He meant that the person is still not convinced in what you see, so we should not try to convince them. Peace and patience are shown when perspective becomes a part of your relationship.

3. Pride screams while humility whispers- Most of us know that the middle letter in the word pride is “i”. That’s why pride screams. It is trying to get its point across and won’t take no for an answer. Pride struggles to allow any other voice besides itself, so it tries to overpower other opinions. Pride is many times selfish and draws attention away from love.

Humility is only found in love. It doesn’t want to win an argument or disagreement. Humility wants to win a heart and show it true love. It whispers because those that want to hear from it will recognize its voice and will lean in closer to understand it.

4. Listening is powerful- Zig Ziglar said, “Listening is love.” What a simple phrase. What an amazing truth. Listening takes time. It is a sign of humility, perspective, peace, patience and love. Listening is the way to know what to say and when to say it. When your significant other has a long day at work or is not having a good day...listen. It is an action of sensitivity. Listen and then respond in a way that shows them you care and you are paying attention.

5. No discussion is complete until both people change- In the first year of marriage, there are going to be times where disagreements will take place. These can be dangerous times or relationship building times depending on the response to them.

These 5 things are intertwined. You can’t really leave one out, because they are connected. An issue will remain until it is sorted out by both people using all 5 of these points to begin to change. When you use them, change will begin to take place because your mindset begins to change.

Not Perfect

Does all of this sound too good to be true? It looks like it to me and I’m writing it! I have to say that these are things that are possible. I know from experience that they are possible. We can’t be perfect because that is not possible. We can be diligent and work daily to make the important things in our lives work better.

Nothing will come together perfectly in life or in marriage. Even the people that are meant for each other can have disagreements. Instead of trying to have a perfect marriage, my wife and I decided to have a real one. The most important piece of our marriage is God. We let Him in from the beginning and our marriage has blossomed because of it.

This past year has been an amazing one because of this thing called marriage. I have realized that a marriage isn’t about uniting two people, but about connecting two hearts. After the service and after the celebration, we still have to live life. We get to start brand new memories and move in a new direction.

There are so many things in life that are uncertain. I know that creating a strong foundation for your marriage begins with these things. Yes, there are more discoveries for me to have and yes there are more things I could have added. That’s the beauty of marriage and love, you have a lifetime to learn.

Photo By: © Jenny Rollo