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Ghosts And Roasts And Circumstances; When Mom Says No
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Ghosts And Roasts And Circumstances; When Mom Says No

My father will be 86 in August and although not amazingly healthy physically, he is smarter than 99% of everyone I know. I like to think he will live forever but even JC moved on.

I decided to have “the talk” with Mom.

“Mom”, I say, “ Pop probably will go before you and we need to prepare and plan for the changes that will happen. I have a heavenly little acre in the heart of the city; I have chickens, a rooster, 2 pigs, a goat, a garden and a dog and a cat and of course, your grandson. We would be honored to have you join us. My house is small and we don’t always agree on housekeeping rules so I think we will build a Granny Flatz on the property just for you.”

And Mom simply replied, “NO”.

“Mom”, I said, “ I love you and I think you should come and live with us, please reconsider”. Her response was something like this:

“The only chickens I care to know are the ones in cellophane at the grocery store. Growing up I used to have to catch the chickens and ring their necks, and the roosters; mean, hateful little boogers, I was always grateful when it was their time. I don’t like goats, they are destructive, smelly and cantankerous, I have lived with your Father for 65 years, why would I sign up for more of that”. She continued, "and pigs, really, I don't even eat pork and my idea of gardening is the new arrivals at Hobby Lobby, your dog is spoiled and your cat is fat.”

Our family refers to it as the defective gene pool

Stop , I’m thinking, this isn't the way it’s supposed to go. There is nothing in my textbooks about this.

Third try, “Mom”, I say. “Mom, it just wouldn't be right”. I continue, “everyday I espouse the benefits of extended family, sharing the love, breaking bread, communion, come on, I say, your Grandson would be so happy and you could have a fresh salad out of the garden every night. Senior living would be a blast.

Her response, “ If my brain is severely damaged by some horrible disease or accident AND my retirement is stolen AND your siblings all pass away, maybe then we can re-evalutate. Maybe my Grandson will want to come and live with me, besides”, she says,” I suspect your rumored ghost would hop over to my place.”

I think she’ll come around.


Street Talk

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