It almost goes without saying that in most cases, men are not as emotional as women. They tend to handle situations and problems with more of a practical, analytical approach versus bringing emotions into it, and because of this, may be looked upon as emotionally unavailable men.
Sure, there are situations where men become frustrated and angry, we all do, but they tend to handle these emotions differently. In our society, men are taught from a young age to be tough. If they show emotion, it's a perceived sign of weakness, a character flaw and becomes a source of embarrassment for the man.
In terms of a relationship, emotionally unavailable men may simply be a product of their environment while they were growing up. If they were raised in a family that was not close, did not freely express emotions or did not do a lot of talking, this is normal to them. Perhaps there was simply an unspoken message to just deal with it and not make everything, or anything, into a big deal. It would not be a surprise that he would act the same way in a relationship as an adult.
It gets complicated because women are usually more emotional and nurturing than men to begin with. If you were raised in a household that encouraged showing emotions, close relationships and talking, you can see what a night and day difference your perspective and communication style could be from your man.
If a man is quiet or just isn't giving you the emotional support you need, you may find yourself feeling hurt, rejected, depressed, frustrated and angry. You may even believe that he just doesn't love you like you love him.
It may just be that he is not used to opening up and talking, sharing his feelings and expressing his love for you the way you would like him to. He just may not know how to do it. If he doesn’t know you need something from him that you’re not getting, he will never understand some of the problems in the relationship unless you are able to tell him.
It may also be that he is a bit on the insecure side, afraid of rejection, getting hurt or just overwhelmed with feelings he really doesn't know how to handle. When men feel cornered, they tend to handle the situation by using humor, criticism, escaping into sports, drinking, spending more time with his friends where he's comfortable, or just silence.
One thing that doesn't work is trying to change him. These behaviors have been with him his whole life and you have to respect that. On the other hand, you should be able to bring up what you need in the relationship in a positive way.
Trying to get him to talk, constantly asking him what's wrong, or pushing him into being someone he's not will only make him feel more insecure and uncomfortable. He'll withdraw into himself even more.
It could be any number of reasons for his distance. It could be that he's upset with you for something, but wants to avoid a fight, conflict or making you cry or get upset, so he just doesn't say anything. Maybe he's afraid to say anything to you because of what your reaction will be. If you tend to get angry, upset, defensive or won't talk to him for days afterward, this would explain his hesitancy in bringing up his thoughts to you.
If you can take a step back and just give him some space, watch what gets strong reactions out of him. What gets him angry? Is it people who are late, traffic jams, people at work, frustration with his career or being bored? Do his eyes glaze over when you become really emotional when telling him something? Do you start the conversation out by accusing him of being the one at fault?
If you can watch and listen to see what creates strong responses in him, either negative or positive, then you can gain a world of insight as to how to communicate with him.
Certainly if he is constantly belittling or criticizing you, or just isn't treating you nicely in general, you may want to re-think the relationship.
If he has no desire in even wanting to improve communication and appreciating the ability to have open, honest conversations without arguments or hurt feelings, you will have to ask yourself if it's worth dealing with in a long-term, committed relationship.
By first being an observer, you should be able to spot the clues and signs he's giving you, even when he’s not speaking. Once you learn the signs, it is possible to make more intimate connections with emotionally unavailable men.
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