Your boyfriend has a huge fear of commitment. He says he's been hurt in the past and just isn't ready to take the plunge into a more formal relationship. You've been together for several years and there's part of you that believes it's now or never for your relationship. You love him but you can't keep going on like this. You want the storybook ending that others have. You NEED it. Now you're asking, "How can I help my boyfriend get over his fear of commitment so we can have a future together?"

It's HARD to be patient when the future you've planned for all your life feels like it's on the line. This isn't something you feel like you can wait to work out either so there's a sort of "feet to the fire" rush about your need to commit that he's definitely not feeling. It may not have anything to do with your biological clock and everything to do with your mother hinting around about grandchildren before she's too old to enjoy them. Whatever the issue that's prodding you forward despite your boyfriend's fear of commitment it's a good idea to take a step back and really decide what your motivation is and if you're really seeing things from his viewpoint too.

The most important question you need to ask though, before you start trying to push him into a commitment he isn't ready for is, "are you really willing to lose him in an effort to get that commitment from him?" If you push him too hard before he's ready you will sabotage your relationship. You'll wind up on a wild ride trying to figure out what went wrong and how you ended up losing him by trying to hold onto him. You do not want to make that mistake and find yourself looking for ways to get your boyfriend back.

But there are some things you can do that will help your relationship without pushing or prodding him to commit before he's ready.

• Talk to him about your feelings. Sometimes all he needs is to realize just how important it is to you. Don't pour on the pressure or issue ultimatums. Simply tell him how it feels to you that he isn't willing to commit. • Offer your commitment to him without expecting his commitment to you – for now. It sets a standard and shows him that a commitment is a tie that binds you together and not chains that hold him prisoner. • Let him know that your love for him won't change if he can't commit. Sometimes it's the pressure that drives him further away. You don't have to get into the specifics even if you feel that you will eventually walk away if he can't commit.

Always keep in mind how important it is not to push him too much or you'll find yourself wondering how to get your ex back instead of how to get your boyfriend to commit.