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How To Get A Guy To Commit
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How to Get A Guy To Commit

Don’t try to fit a square peg in a round hole.

I speak to and counsel hundreds of people on the subject of “how to get a guy to commit” and it never ceases to amaze me how many people go about it in the wrong way.

The first problem I encounter is young women who think they are “on the shelf” at a very young age. The closer they get to some imagined biological age the more desperate they seem in their efforts in trying to get a guy to commit

In the early to mid twenties there seems to be a rush to get married which is exacerbated as soon as friends of about the same age start marrying.

More than half of these supposedly "on the shelf" girls seem to think that all the “good guys” will be gone if they don’t hurry up and grab one (anyone?) soon.

Try telling them there is nothing wrong with them and they reply with:

“So why can’t I find a boyfriend never mind trying to get a guy to commit?”

In virtually every case I ask them:

“Do you know what you are looking for, truly looking for?”

Many don’t, and the reason they don’t is because they don’t know themselves – that is to say they don’t know exactly who they are!

To find the partner you want you need to know who you are and where you really want to go in life.

An extreme example in terms of marriage would be to want children but marrying someone who doesn’t. This happens often in the belief that once married they will change their mind.

This is a dangerous assumption to make.

Sit down and analyze exactly what sort of person you are and what type of person you are looking for.

List what you are looking for in a man and stick to them.

For example your list could be something like this:

  • Must be over 5’10”.
  • Must have a secure job or in the process of securing a steady career.
  • Must not use bad language/profanities.
  • Must be an outdoors person (note to self: I don’t want a potato couch!).
  • Between 2 years younger and 10 years older than me (another note to self: Preferably older).
  • Never been married before.
  • Must love children.
  • Must love animals.
  • Must not smoke (or be prepared to consider giving it up for his health) (note to self: Watching dad die from emphysema was the worst thing ever and I do not want to go through that again.)

There will be what I call “deal breakers”.

For example you may be religious and insist that your future spouse is of the same denomination. If this is your situation why bother going out with someone of a different faith or is a non-believer? How are you going to get this sort of guy to commit and should you? Is it fair on either of you?

The opposite could be true if you are a total non-believer. Hooking up with a person who has a strong faith is setting the stage for many a misunderstanding and argument.

What is his or her family background or culture? Does it match yours?

Everyone’s list will be different but armed with your list you can start watching how your guy fits in:

  • See how he reacts with children and animals.
  • Does he spend weekends watching TV?
  • What is his language like?
  • Is he kind to older people?
  • Is he close to his family?
  • Does he have an ego and try and impress his friends all the time?
  • What are his goals?
  • How does he treat you?
  • How do you treat him?

You don’t have to ask him any of these things – merely observe.

If you have someone in your life at the moment and he won’t commit there is an underlying reason that he may not even be aware of.

When he says he loves you but is not ready to move to the next stage you need to understand that he might be saying that you haven’t convinced him yet.

It could be something in your background, your behavior, your goals, your beliefs, your culture that is holding him back.

And here is the real thing.

You are both individuals and it very seldom ends in a happy, intimate, loving and lasting relationship if one or the other is trying to fit the proverbial square peg in a round hole. All that happens is you land up looking like the chickens in the picture at the top of this article.

If you meet the guy that fits your parameters chances are you will fit his – don’t you think?

Do this and you don’t need to know how to get a guy to commit, he will willingly commit to someone who his heart and his gut tell him is right.


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