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Why Is He Distant - Understanding The Different Way Men Feel
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Why Is He Distant  -  Understanding the Different Way Men Feel

It drives you nuts, you go a little mad wondering “Why is he distant?” You’ve been dating the perfect guy, your Mr. Wonderful. You know he loves you, the sex is great, it’s obvious he loves spending time with you, yet something just isn’t right. You know how you feel, but what you may not understand is how men differ from women in how they “feel”.

He doesn’t feel fully committed to the relationship. He hasn’t “popped the question” even though you’ve been together “forever”, he’s vague about any future plans, he hasn’t taken you to meet his friends or the family, the list goes on…

You’re not sure what it is, but you constantly find yourself wondering, “Why is he distant?”. Why won’t he take that next obvious step and move the relationship forward?

The first thing you must recognize is that his unwillingness to move the relationship forward is not due to a lack of love on his part. He obviously loves you if he is putting enough effort into the relationship that you agreed with me in the first paragraph.

Now “moving the relationship forward” will mean different things depending on where you are in your relationship. It may be getting him to ask you out on that second date, it could mean getting him to suggest exclusivity in your relationship, it may mean getting him to ask you to marry him. It doesn't matter where you are in your relationship, the principles are the same.

The truth is a man does need to feel love for you before he will move the relationship forward, but he needs something else to happen before he will make that happen. Before you can know what that “something else” is you need to understand how men really feel.

Yes, men feel love in their hearts just like a woman does. However, men also "feel" in their “gut”. Most men couldn’t explain it if asked, but they really make decision based on their “gut feeling” about a subject.

This gut feeling acts like an accelerator, or a brake. If a man feels good in his gut about something he’ll put the pedal down and move forward, and the important part is - he’ll move forward on his own. And you get that great relationship without acting pushy or manipulative.

However, if his gut feeling is negative, it acts like a brake and any forward movement is halted, no matter what his heart feels or what you try and do to manipulate him. A mans gut feeling is obeyed far more than any feeling in his heart. Read that last sentence again!

All men, whether they will admit it to themselves or not, have an image about themselves.

Actually they have two images; how they see themselves and how you to see them.

All men secretly see themselves as knights in shining armor and will initially embellish themselves to appear that way to you. It’s a trap they create for themselves.

You need to learn how to avoid the trap he set for himself. One example of his self laid trap is in the area of finances. Many times a man will attempt to embellish himself by lavishing you with gifts of flowers, jewelry, dinners out or any number of extravagances. Be very careful.

His trap has been laid, yes he laid it on himself, but how YOU respond to these gifts is what determines what his gut tells him. Respond the wrong way and his gut feeling screams “high maintenance” and the brakes in the relationship go on. Responding like you don’t care, anything is good is enough or this is really overboard and he gets a warm and fuzzy feeling in his gut and the gas pedal goes on. You are sensible when he isn't.

Another example, for early in a relationship, is avoid the small talk. Let him talk, find what makes him tick, figure out what is important to him. Small talk about the weather doesn’t allow a deeper understanding of him, and it's paramount he reveals his true self to you. If you allow that, him revealing his true self to you, he’ll be automatically feel deeply attracted to you.

If you find yourself asking, “Why is he distant?”, take some time, understand what makes his gut feeling tick. Understand how men feel, then you can turn the tables and get your man to fully commit to your relationship without appearing manipulative, pushy or hard to get.


Street Talk

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