Help me save my marriage is far too many times the silent cry of those who feel that their marriage is quickly careening towards the direction of divorce. The worst part, your spouse is not giving an effort to help.

There are many factors that contribute to the failings of marriage; but there is one thing that really aggravates all these factors: “Lack of successful, honest and open communication”.

Taking from its traditional definition, communication is a process that can either fail or succeed. If the receiver fails to understand the message then it becomes a failed communication therefore the process needs to be repeated with all the obstacles eliminated in order for the message to be delivered successfully.

More often than not, what starts out as a small problem gets blown into bigger proportions because the couple ceases to openly communicate. For example, a wife who feels unhappy because her husband is no longer as loving as he once was keeps her emotions to herself. The reason for withholding the urge to voice out frustrations can stem from many factors, but while she keeps these negative feelings bottled up, the contempt grows and soon becomes unbearable and it comes to the point that love is lost. Both husband and wife are at fault. But regardless of whose fault it is, if the marriage is rocky, it needs to be saved before it becomes too late.

If you are the only one who is exerting effort into saving the marriage it may be because your lover thinks or feels that the marriage is going just fine and is not suffering like you. It is the unhappy spouse’s responsibility to make the other understand how they feel.

If you are one of the many who wants to save your marriage and your partner seems nonchalant to your marital issue, you need to have a lot of patience and understanding. It may seem like a daunting task, saving your marriage single handedly, but it can be done. What you need to do is teach your spouse how to negotiate fairly. Be patient because it can take time before husband and wife learn how to resolve conflicts fairly, to negotiate fairly without intent to get more out of the resolution than the other.

People usually learn by example, so show your partner how it’s done.

• Make discussions enjoyable and harmless; try not to be argumentative, be very patient.

• Identify the problem, state your opinion and make sure that you empathize with your partner’s opinion as well. You are equals.

• Listen. Listen. Listen. Brainstorm resolutions and do not bite each other’s head off if either of you hear something that is not agreeable or even ridiculous.

• Find the best resolution. Compromise. If you cannot agree on a solution, continue brainstorming. Remember that marriage should be a symbiotic relationship.

Never forget the power of communication in a marriage. If the case is that your spouse has already giving up, you can still help save your marriage, eliminating everything that you think causes your spouse pain. Your spouse, being at a withdrawal stage, will deflect your efforts, but if you really want to save your marriage you need patience. Shower your spouse with kindness, be accommodating, show your spouse how much you respect them, take some time off from each other if you must. There is safety in distance so this could help the two of you communicate comfortably. Do not push things as this can aggravate the feeling of resentment.

To begin to answer your cry; “help me save my marriage" arm yourself and your relationship with unconditional love, patience, understanding, and honesty.