“No relationship dies, it is slowly killed”

When I was a child, there was an advert on the television that said “A dog is for life and not just for Christmas”. In its own way the same is true for relationships. So many people put a great deal of energy into a new relationship and once it is stable, bit-by-bit they nurture and feed it less and less. So it is no surprise that it is slowly killed off.

This article gives you 7 reasons why love dies, which means if you reverse these trends in your relationship, you can maintain or recover that indescribable joy of being in love:

1. IT STOPS BEING FUN – Once when I was staying in a hotel, at breakfast I began to observe the other guests. It was clear who were the “newly in-loves” and which couples had been together for a long time. The new couples were laughing,being playful and having fun. The long-time couples didn't even smile at each other once during the whole breakfast. One common mistake we make is to allow our responsibilities and challenges to squeeze the fun out of life. It is completely compatible to be a highly responsible person who is playful and has a great deal of fun. How often do you laugh with your partner? How often do you have fun and playfulness together?

2. THE LISTENING AND COMPREHENSION STOPS – Trust, being “seen” and being understood are the foundation stones of a relationship. Without them, no matter how much effort you put in other areas, the relationship will feel unstable and be unable to flourish. I will talk more about trust in a moment, but first, your partner will only feel that pleasure of being “seen”, “known” and truly understood if each day you offer them your full attention, to be present with them and listen to them with an empty and open mind. That way, you will truly understand who they are, what makes them tick, what they dream about and what is truly important to them. You will also find that as you offer this gift in life, it will be given back to you.

3. LOSS OF TRUST – There are a number of reasons why trust is lost in a relationship. There is the obvious one of infidelity and the lies that it involves. However, there are other more subtle causes. These include holding back; be it keeping your worries and problems to yourself as well as your joys and illusions rather than sharing your experiences and what is present in your mind at any time. A grain of trust is lost every time you agree to something that you don't really want to do or you don't really agree with and every time you compromise rather than looking for an alternative solution that is truly agreeable to everyone. Finally, trust is lost every time you fail to complete on your responsibilities and commitments, no matter how small and insignificant they seem in the moment, such as taking out the rubbish, picking up that carton of milk etc...

4. FOCUS ON BLAME RATHER THAN SOLUTIONS - Every person and family experiences challenges and difficulties to resolve. However, it is all to easy to blame the other person when they arise. It is all to easy to let the difficulties separate you rather than uniting you in their resolution. How often have you done that? How often have you begun to see your partner as the problem? If only they would... or If they only did... we wouldn't be in this situation etc. This type of attitude is a death sentence for any relationship. On the other hand, in relationships that grow in love, the people make the problem impersonal and analyse it together to understand what it is, what has caused it (without blame) and therefore, how it can be solved. They then commit to the actions that they can take, being realistic about them and how they will positively affect the situation. Finally, they encourage and show their gratitude for each other at each little step on the way to its resolution.

5. THE PEOPLE STOP BEING INTERESTING, DYNAMIC AND EXCITING – What does it feel like to be with someone who is interesting and energetic? What does it feel like to be with someone who has no interests and just sits around perhaps watching the television or connected to in the internet? One of the key actions you can take to keep your relationship alive and exciting is to be a person who has interests, who is energetic, knows what you want and is dynamically creating a deeply fulfilling life. This means that you have a high level of self leadership in your life.

6. THE TIME,CARE AND EFFORT TO SHOW YOUR LOVE DRIES UP – At the beginning of a relationship we normally invest a great deal of time and effort to show our love and affection for our partner. We do so by telling them all the wonderful things we see in them, by bringing them gifts, by doing things for them, by bringing them little gifts and by spending quality time with them. In order for love to grow rather than die in your relationship this time, care and effort is required every day in your relationship, forever.

So you can see that a great relationship is something that is created over years and there is no limit to how deep, intimate and truly loving it can be. The real trust, understanding and intimacy that is the foundation of a wonderful relationship can not be hurried, it takes time to build and happens beyond the first flush of “falling in love”. It happens grain by grain, each time you take the time to truly understand each other without judgement or blame, each time you are fully present with each other, each time you have fun together, each time your resolve a difficult situation together, each time you invest in yourself to be a wonderful person to be with and each time you take the care and effort to show your love. When you consider how that love, trust, understanding and closeness is translated into the most intimate aspect of a relationship you can begin to imagine just how ecstatic your love life could become. You can see how you receive in return many times over the care and effort that it takes to create a great relationship in the heights of joy that it will give you.