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how to improve your communication skills
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men are from mars
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Advice On How To Improve Your Communication Skills To Rekindle Your Love
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Advice on How to Improve Your Communication Skills to Rekindle Your Love

Do You Find your Loved One is often Hard to Reach?

If this is a characteristic of your relationship, you may be headed for trouble. Studies show that poor communication is, perhaps, the biggest predictor of relationship problems. Researcher John Gottman and his team have been able to reliably predict which newlywed couples would later split up based on observing how they communicate with each other. Healthy communication is a key to strengthening the balance of your romance or marriage. Get this one right and you are well on your way to a healthy and loving relationship.

It is important to remember, as John Gray proclaimed in "Men are from Mars,...", that men and women are different. They think differently. Often, especially after a couple have been together for a while, they “talk” to each other, but still fail to “communicate” with one another. The daily rank and file of household duties become the central issues and the deeper conversations between soul-mates vanish into obscurity. If you want to keep the romance and dreams alive, you must be willing to make sacrifices for each other and keep the intimacy alive on all levels - not just in the bedroom.

What is your Communication Style?

According to Randy Bennet in his book "Melt Your Man's Heart," there are four styles of communication that couples engage in:

  1. Passive Behavior Communication Style: Often the woman is the passive communicator in this type of alliance. She is afraid to speak her mind and afraid of conflict and/or change. Typically, she/or he feels hurt because the significant other does not see his or her needs. In turn, the partner may be confused because he or she legitimately has no clue what is wrong. At worst the opposing partner may even just take advantage and walk all over the meeker individual.
  2. Aggressive Behavior Communication Style: When one individual adopts this style, he/she may disregard the desires and needs of the companion. The person in this role always makes him or herself right, often with sarcasm, and may in fact be too vocal and demanding in the relationship causing resentment and withdrawal in the behavior of the other participant.
  3. Passive-Aggressive Communication Style: This may be a difficult style for you to recognize in your own behavior, although it is quite common. The reason for the difficulty is that the person using this style is often hiding their own needs and emotions trying to avoid conflict. But then the resentment and frustration may show up in a desire to “get even”with their spouse at a later time in an underhanded way-often involving finances or sex.
  4. Assertive Communication Style: Finally, we come to a pattern of communication in which each partner is honest about his or her wants and needs, respectful in disclosing them, and takes a proactive stance in interaction. They respect each other as equals and resolve conflicts immediately as they arise.

Obviously, the assertive style is the best for real communication to take place. Arguments are a necessary part of a healthy marriage or relationship. Issues must be dealt with calmly before resentments fester and the level of intimacy degrades or anger and stress take their toll.

Handling confrontations must be viewed as an art form like dance. Take these steps to ensure that you master the art of communication.

  • Never use the silent treatment.
  • Never jump to conclusions. Discuss the facts without judgement.
  • Concentrate on one problem at a time. Don’t mix in other minor issues.
  • Never guess at your partners motives. Ask.
  • Try not to get other people (in-laws, friends) involved.
  • Speak in the present and future tense, not past tense.
  • Give priority to problems that involve hurt feelings in your relationship.

To conclude on a positive note:

Remember to Compliment and Encourage your Loved One.

Mark Twain once said he could live two months on a good compliment. If a compliment from a stranger can light up your day, how much more important are compliments from those you love. Encouragement takes this to an even deeper level. Remember to:

  • Thank your “better half” for his unique perspective (even when you don’t agree).
  • Draw attention to his/her progress on a project.
  • Reinforce him/her when they are feeling insecure or second guessing themselves.

Spend time and effort at bettering your communication skills and you will rekindle the sparks of that great love that once lit up your romantic world.

Street Talk

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