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Communication: How To Avoid Heated Arguments
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Communication: How to Avoid Heated Arguments

Without communication, you have nothing. Some of the most dysfunctional relationships stem from bad communication or lack of. Things can be so easily misinterpreted all the time! That's why it is important to learn some key factors when communicating w/ your boyfriend, husband, lover etc. and to constantly work at this, because bottling feelings in can sometimes be disastrous in the end.

One of the hardest things for people to do is to listen. I mean, really listen without interrupting even though you feel you are being attacked or blamed for something. You may be thinking, well, if they're just going to blame me for everything, I'm going to bring up all the bad things they did to me, but here's the key: once you learn how to communicate efficiently, your partner will automatically follow in the same role.

Here's what you do.. The next time you and your partner sit down to what you feel is going to be a heated discussion just take a seat back and listen to every word they have to say, the only time you should interrupt is if you want to mirror back what they said to you, just to make sure you have a clear understanding of what they meant. For example, the other day my boyfriend said to me; "Look, when you deleted me from your facebook it really devastated me. I see you talking to certain guys on there and now I'm thinking you really got something to hide." and I said, "So you felt hurt when I deleted you because you thought i may have something going on with one of my guy friends on facebook?" he said, "Well, that's what it looks like."

When he was completely finished with what he had to say i expressed to him that the few times he asked about some of my conversations i felt like he was accusing me of something when to me it was completely innocent, then he went on to tell me, "Of course I get a little concerned when I see you talking to people on there that I have no idea who they are, but I'm not accusing you of anything, i may inquire about certain people once in awhile, that's all." In reality, i had deleted him because I thought it would spare us a bunch of arguing, I had no idea it "devastated" him, and I expressed that to him too.

This brings me to my next point in communicating. Always put yourself in their shoes. I definitely failed to do this when I deleted him. I felt attacked so I lashed back, not even thinking how bad it made ME look or how it must have hurt his feelings. Love is about respect. It is important to truly feel empathy when your partner is expressing his/her feelings, especially a man because it takes alot for them to express them in the first place, its good to say things like, "I understand," or "OK, now I see..."

Try to use I statements instead of you statements. Our conversation could have totally gone south had i responded in a different way. Say I said something like, "You're always accusing me of wanting to be with everybody, that's why I cut you off facebook!" Instead, you could try; "I felt like you were going to accuse me of something because i was talking to a friend." It is possible to avoid getting defensive and playing the blame game if you just remember to listen thoroughly, keep calm, mirror back what he/she says and express your feelings about a situation instead of pointing the finger. By doing this, you can even overcome facebook issues!


Street Talk

Nice points! Listening always helps.

Reply
  about 6 years ago
  

Thank you!

Reply
  about 6 years ago
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