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Contact Ex Boyfriend - Should You?
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Contact Ex Boyfriend  -  Should You?

There are no traffic lights when it comes to relationship repair and when you should and shouldn't contact your ex boyfriend. There is no green light to let you know when the timing is right and there's no red light to stop you in your tracks. That means you have to rely on more than obvious signals to know what to do - and when to do it. These helpful tips on ex boyfriend contact can make that process easier and give you the tools you need to get your ex-boyfriend back for good.

Taking Things Slowly

It takes an incredible amount of fortitude to commit to the process of getting an ex-boyfriend back. By stepping foot on that path, you've already shown that you're determined and focused and those are both qualities that are going to come in handy. While waiting around doesn't seem like an active part of the process, it is a necessary one. When your ex left the relationship he was determined to separate himself from you - at least temporarily. You need to respect that desire by giving him some space. It's going to work out better for you in the end. Unless your ex-boyfriend starts to miss you, getting back together is going to be impossible. Missing you is the factor that will allow him to see you as a potential partner again and to miss you; you need to not be in his face constantly.

While breakups may typically involve a lot of drama, fighting and hurt feelings, they don't have to. That's simply a common result when one person wants to end a relationship and the other doesn't. Don't allow the breakup to break you. While your insides may be revolting, don't let it show. Simply walk away for the moment and realize that maintaining your distance is the best thing right now - for you and your ex. Both of you need a temporary respite from each other. While your ex can start to miss you, you can do yourself a favor and deal with any residual negativity. By confronting it head on and not allowing it to fester, you'll be in a much better place mentally and emotionally when the time comes to start a conversation.

Avoid Contact at First

If you try to establish contact with your ex boyfriend initially immediately after he has broken up with you, you're falling for the same trap that a lot of women find themselves in. Trying to be pleasant, kind and understanding towards someone who ended a relationship that you were still invested in is not a healthy or proactive response. You're headed towards a dead end and if you continue down this course of action, you're going to experience a rather rude awakening.

Although you and your ex were extremely comfortable together throughout the course of the relationship, that is no longer the case. Things have changed dramatically because the breakup took place and your ex is not going to welcome seeing you out of the blue. Things will be strange and uncomfortable for you both, and that's not a feeling you want him to associate with you. Patterns can be difficult to break and if he associates unpleasantness with seeing you, it's going to be increasingly difficult to turn it into something pleasant when you're finally ready to approach him.

The option of friendship should be permanently off of the table - even if your ex happens to bring it up. Your ex-boyfriend is not interested in seeing you as a friend. You're not his first choice to go see a movie with or throw back a few beers after work. He has friends for that kind of contact, and you're not among them. An ex that proposes the idea of staying friends has one or two things in mind that he's not verbalizing. Either he's looking to keep you around in case the breakup turns out to be a bad idea (and he doesn't believe that it's even remotely possible that you'd find a way to move on) or he's trying to be a gentleman to spare your feelings from the complete reality of the breakup.

If he thinks he's doing you a favor, don't give him the satisfaction. You're not interested in a pity friendship and you probably already know that it's not what you're after. Cutting off contact is the only way for you to increase your chances of rebuilding a romance with your ex - and that means that you can't talk to him in any form for at least a few weeks post-breakup. While it may seem like more than you can bear, you can stay strong and make it all turn out for the best.

His Response

If your ex has expected to keep tabs on your activities, he was sorely mistaken. His available source of information is suddenly unavailable and it's not going to take him very long to notice that something just isn't right - or at least it doesn't conform to his pre-set expectations. What's keeping you away? Why aren't you chasing after him? Why aren't you breaking down in tears and telling him that he's made a huge mistake? What does it mean that you're just simple gone without a trace? Does it mean his chance to get you back slipped out of his fingers and he wasn't even paying enough attention to notice?

Curiosity is a guy's worst nightmare when it comes to ex-girlfriends, and you've just pulled the cord of his parachute. He's left with nothing to hold onto and this lack of security is going to be severely discomforting. Although he's not ready to man up and admit he's made a mistake, he's thinking about it. You're constantly on his mind and no easy answers are forthcoming.

Bridging the Gap

After some significant time has elapsed since the breakup, it's going to be time to step up and make your move - at least if he hasn't managed to call you by now. Don't be disheartened. All guys are different and are driven by varied motivations. Just because he hasn't called doesn't mean that your plan has failed. In fact, the opposite is most likely true. It's working out better than you expected. Be confident when you make contact and do it in a way that is going to portray you in a positive light. You want your ex to see you as confident, in control and fully aware of your surroundings. If possible, find an excuse to make that phone call.

Your ex isn't going to question your motives behind reaching out since he's been so curious about what you've been up to. Calling him because you've found something of his at your house is a viable and reasonable option. Let him suggest getting together if he's interested in getting it back. That way he can feel like the plan was his idea - and you can put the rest of your plan into motion.

Your Next Steps

Contact with your ex boyfriend is tricky and getting it right is important if you want to get him back. There are many other things that you should be thinking about too at this time. Avoiding these terrible breakup mistakes is a good idea if you want him to see you in a positive light.

You should also be looking out for signs he still likes you at this stage. There is no point in chasing after someone who has already moved on and making a fool of yourself.


Street Talk

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