This Article is About
helpful tips
red light
Contact Ex Boyfriend - Should You?
Join 1000's of Authors at StreetArticles Today!

Contact Ex Boyfriend  -  Should You?

There are no traffic lights when it comes to relationship repair and when you should and shouldn't contact your ex boyfriend. There is no green light to let you know when the timing is right and there's no red light to stop you in your tracks. That means you have to rely on more than obvious signals to know what to do - and when to do it. These helpful tips on ex boyfriend contact can make that process easier and give you the tools you need to get your ex-boyfriend back for good.

Taking Things Slowly

It takes an incredible amount of fortitude to commit to the process of getting an ex-boyfriend back. By stepping foot on that path, you've already shown that you're determined and focused and those are both qualities that are going to come in handy. While waiting around doesn't seem like an active part of the process, it is a necessary one. When your ex left the relationship he was determined to separate himself from you - at least temporarily. You need to respect that desire by giving him some space. It's going to work out better for you in the end. Unless your ex-boyfriend starts to miss you, getting back together is going to be impossible. Missing you is the factor that will allow him to see you as a potential partner again and to miss you; you need to not be in his face constantly.

While breakups may typically involve a lot of drama, fighting and hurt feelings, they don't have to. That's simply a common result when one person wants to end a relationship and the other doesn't. Don't allow the breakup to break you. While your insides may be revolting, don't let it show. Simply walk away for the moment and realize that maintaining your distance is the best thing right now - for you and your ex. Both of you need a temporary respite from each other. While your ex can start to miss you, you can do yourself a favor and deal with any residual negativity. By confronting it head on and not allowing it to fester, you'll be in a much better place mentally and emotionally when the time comes to start a conversation.

Avoid Contact at First

If you try to establish contact with your ex boyfriend initially immediately after he has broken up with you, you're falling for the same trap that a lot of women find themselves in. Trying to be pleasant, kind and understanding towards someone who ended a relationship that you were still invested in is not a healthy or proactive response. You're headed towards a dead end and if you continue down this course of action, you're going to experience a rather rude awakening.

Although you and your ex were extremely comfortable together throughout the course of the relationship, that is no longer the case. Things have changed dramatically because the breakup took place and your ex is not going to welcome seeing you out of the blue. Things will be strange and uncomfortable for you both, and that's not a feeling you want him to associate with you. Patterns can be difficult to break and if he associates unpleasantness with seeing you, it's going to be increasingly difficult to turn it into something pleasant when you're finally ready to approach him.

The option of friendship should be permanently off of the table - even if your ex happens to bring it up. Your ex-boyfriend is not interested in seeing you as a friend. You're not his first choice to go see a movie with or throw back a few beers after work. He has friends for that kind of contact, and you're not among them. An ex that proposes the idea of staying friends has one or two things in mind that he's not verbalizing. Either he's looking to keep you around in case the breakup turns out to be a bad idea (and he doesn't believe that it's even remotely possible that you'd find a way to move on) or he's trying to be a gentleman to spare your feelings from the complete reality of the breakup.

If he thinks he's doing you a favor, don't give him the satisfaction. You're not interested in a pity friendship and you probably already know that it's not what you're after. Cutting off contact is the only way for you to increase your chances of rebuilding a romance with your ex - and that means that you can't talk to him in any form for at least a few weeks post-breakup. While it may seem like more than you can bear, you can stay strong and make it all turn out for the best.

His Response

If your ex has expected to keep tabs on your activities, he was sorely mistaken. His available source of information is suddenly unavailable and it's not going to take him very long to notice that something just isn't right - or at least it doesn't conform to his pre-set expectations. What's keeping you away? Why aren't you chasing after him? Why aren't you breaking down in tears and telling him that he's made a huge mistake? What does it mean that you're just simple gone without a trace? Does it mean his chance to get you back slipped out of his fingers and he wasn't even paying enough attention to notice?

Curiosity is a guy's worst nightmare when it comes to ex-girlfriends, and you've just pulled the cord of his parachute. He's left with nothing to hold onto and this lack of security is going to be severely discomforting. Although he's not ready to man up and admit he's made a mistake, he's thinking about it. You're constantly on his mind and no easy answers are forthcoming.

Bridging the Gap

After some significant time has elapsed since the breakup, it's going to be time to step up and make your move - at least if he hasn't managed to call you by now. Don't be disheartened. All guys are different and are driven by varied motivations. Just because he hasn't called doesn't mean that your plan has failed. In fact, the opposite is most likely true. It's working out better than you expected. Be confident when you make contact and do it in a way that is going to portray you in a positive light. You want your ex to see you as confident, in control and fully aware of your surroundings. If possible, find an excuse to make that phone call.

Your ex isn't going to question your motives behind reaching out since he's been so curious about what you've been up to. Calling him because you've found something of his at your house is a viable and reasonable option. Let him suggest getting together if he's interested in getting it back. That way he can feel like the plan was his idea - and you can put the rest of your plan into motion.

Your Next Steps

Contact with your ex boyfriend is tricky and getting it right is important if you want to get him back. There are many other things that you should be thinking about too at this time. Avoiding these terrible breakup mistakes is a good idea if you want him to see you in a positive light.

You should also be looking out for signs he still likes you at this stage. There is no point in chasing after someone who has already moved on and making a fool of yourself.

Street Talk

No comments present
You May Also Like
How to Reconnect With Her After Breaking Up
After a breakup, our lives are spun out of control.  You have no idea if she's going to come back to you, if she's seeing someone else, and you feel desperate to get her back.  Here are three things you can do to make yourself feel better - and ultimately…
By: Max Grimnar in  Relationships  >  Reconnecting   Sep 29, 2011  
  Likes: 3

Why Did He Break Up With Me? - Some Reasons You May Not Have Thought Of
Breakups are never easy for anyone and they are certainly no fun. Not only do they stir up a swarm of emotions, they can also leave a girl's mind buzzing with questions. The biggest and most common question being, why did he break up with me? Some guys are nice…
By:  in  Relationships   Jul 18, 2012  
  Likes: 4

Calling Your Ex Boyfriend After A Break Up - Is It A Good Idea?
Ever since the breakup, you've missed him. You've missed hearing his voice and you miss the way things used to be between the two of you before everything seemed to go downhill. You probably think about him a lot more than you want to, and it's hard to not try…
By:  in  Relationships  >  Communication   Aug 18, 2012  
  Likes: 4

Why Does My Ex Ignore Me? - The Real Reasons
No one says the breakups are easy. In fact, they're one of the hardest circumstances that anyone has to face in their lifetime. Often, they seem completely out of control and there's nothing you can do except sit there in shock and wonder what happened. Breakups often come as a…
By: Isabella Rose in  Relationships  >  Communication   Oct 25, 2012  
  Likes: 3

My Boyfriend Dumped Me – How Can I Pick Myself Back Up
“I am so depressed because my ex boyfriend dumped me” It something like the end of your life, however it isn't. Of course, it is hurting you, but it won’t kill you. Breakups happen and you also need to learn how to get over from a bad breakup. To do…
By: A. B. Sahu in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Jul 28, 2012  
  Likes: 3

Depression And Breakups – Are You Sad Or is it Depression?
Feeling sad and a little bit depressed after a breakup is perfectly natural. There comes a time though when it crosses the line between feeling sad and a medical condition known as depression that can have a significant impact on your mental health, quality of life, and the people around…
By: T Dub Jackson in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Mar 20, 2011  
  Likes: 1

Why Arent Your Efforts to Get Over Your Ex Working?
It's not always easy to get over your ex. All relationships are different and some touch us more deeply than even we may realize at the time. That's why there are so many couples out there who will admit they didn't realize what they had together or how special it…
By: T Dub Jackson in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Mar 14, 2011  
  Likes: 1

Post Breakups - How To Get Him Back
Breakups in relationships are painful but they do occur. They are not even rare events. Whether you have suffered a breakup in the past or not, it ios wise to know how to handle a breakup and how to get him back. I wish you do not have to use…
By: Parthasarathy Rengaswami in  Relationships  >  Love   Mar 19, 2013  
  Likes: 0

How to Win Your Ex Boyfriend Back From Another Girl
It is always pitiful to see your ex boyfriend dating with someone else. Well, there are some reasons why he is attracted to that girl. If you want to win your ex boyfriend back from that girl, you need to understand why he left you and chose her. Whether you…
By: A. B. Sahu in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Jul 28, 2012  
  Likes: 4

How to Get Back Together With My Ex
So you are questioning “how to get back together with my ex?” It shows that you have been facing a break up for a few days. You want to catch your ex immediately so that they won’t hang out with someone else. Well, most people are seized by emotions when…
By: A. B. Sahu in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Apr 19, 2012  
  Likes: 4

Can't Stop Thinking About My Ex Boyfriend - How To Tackle This Situation
It's easy to see how relationships can take over all aspects of our lives, and we can become completely wrapped up in them. When things are going well, our happiness revolves around the fact that we have a wonderful partner who enriches our lives and makes everything better. When things…
By:  in  Relationships  >  Reconnecting   Jul 19, 2012  
  Likes: 10

My Boyfriend Wants To Be Friends But I Want More
At some point in your life you may have found yourself having to end a relationship for one reason or another. This puts some people at a complex position of having to deal with an ex. Some wonder if they should cut off the ex completely considering the pain that…
By:  in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Jul 26, 2012  
  Likes: 3

Get Ex Boyfriend Back - What Can I Do for Him to Change His Mind About the Break Up
very other woman would attest to this. Breakups are heart breaking if not very stressful. It is a time one feels as if she would want the earth to open up and bury her in its berry. Most of the women cry. Others become so frustrated that their output at…
By: Franklin2 in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Feb 25, 2013  
  Likes: 0

How to Get Him to Call You Back – Sneaky Tips to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
The hardest part of a breakup is the abrupt lack of communication. When you're used to having someone in your daily life, suddenly being unable to see or talk to them can be positively devastating. Most women also know that they could get their exes back if only they could…
By: A. B. Sahu in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Oct 23, 2012  
  Likes: 2

Things to Do to Get Your Girlfriend Back
When a relationship between a couple ends it can be a very hard thing for both the boy and the girl to take. Sadly very few breakups happen on good terms because there is normally one person who still wants to be in the relationship when the other one doesn’t…
By: A. B. Sahu in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Sep 08, 2012  
  Likes: 1

Article Views: 2180    Report this Article