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patience is a virtue
platonic friendship
negativity
uphill battle
right time
sanity
emotions
perception
confusion
best friend
feelings
romance
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Contact With Your Ex Boyfriend - The Rules
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Contact With Your Ex Boyfriend  -  The Rules

Obviously you can't avoid your ex forever - at least not if you hope to get back together. You probably want to make contact with your ex boyfriend sooner rather than later but picking the right time is almost as challenging as deciding what course of action to take. If you're experiencing some confusion, you're on the right track to establishing proven answers that can point you in the direction that will best suit your needs and help you successfully achieve your goals.

Patience is a Virtue

It may be a virtue but it is certainly not a girl's best friend, and that is never clearer than it is when you want to mend the relationship between you and your ex. You need to actively work on clearing your mind - and the opportunity to do so is now. If you can't learn to keep your emotions and/or negativity in check, you're probably going to end up doing or saying something you'll end up regretting. As hard as it is to hear, not all mistakes made within this process can be repaired. Time is going to play a large role in the process and you need it for your own sanity and for your ex's. If he ended the relationship, he's going to need some time away from you to process his feelings and that gives you the perfect opportunity to focus on your thoughts and emotions as well.

Put Things on Temporary Hold

The best thing for you to do for a few weeks after the breakup is to not have any contact with your ex-boyfriend at all. Don't sell yourself short by agreeing to a platonic friendship after breaking up. While keeping him in your life in some aspect seems better than letting him go completely, you don't want to be his friend. You want a relationship with the man that you still love. If he starts seeing you as only a friend, changing that perception back into romance is one of the most difficult processes imaginable. It's even more difficult than trying to get him back from a breakup. You're facing an uphill battle here and you don't want to agree to something that is going to make the process even more confusing.

When you put contact on hold that means you can't do anything to reach out and try to establish a conversation with your ex-boyfriend at all. You can't possibly expect to talk to him during this time and think that you're doing the right thing. While the distance may be incredibly lonely and sad, try to fill your life with other things that give you joy and comfort. You may not have to do anything more when the time comes to get back in touch - he may reach out and call you first. Your ex isn't going to have the upper hand over you anymore. He won't know what your life has been filled by in his absence.

Anticipate his Answer

By putting all contact on hiatus your ex-boyfriend is going to notice a shift in the wind. Things are changing and it's not in a way that he was able to anticipate. No matter what he thought would happen, this is not it by a long shot. If he's been glancing around to see you throughout the process of embracing his new life as a single man, he's going to be instantly concerned that he can't find you - and he doesn't know what's going on.

Being uninformed is one of the biggest blows to a guy's ego imaginable. It means that he'll have to rely on his imagination and not on cold, hard facts - and you need to understand that his imagination can easily become one of your best friends. He is absolutely counting on the fact that you're going to keep in touch. By not giving him what he's expecting, you're playing all his own inner doubts about you and the breakup against him. Maybe he didn't know you as well as he thought he did. That thought above any other is going to be the one that plagues him the most.

Baby Steps Towards a New Beginning

Obviously getting back in touch with your ex boyfriend has to happen sooner or later or you're both going to end up going your separate ways. There are several options available to you here - and several of them need to be avoided. If you're planning on showing up at his favorite bar after work (some place that you've never been before in your life) you need to rethink your strategy. You don't want to force an awkward encounter that makes him feel uneasy especially if it's in front of his friends. He can easily ignore a text message or email and if you're looking to encourage a meeting, an impersonal message is not the way to go about it.

What if he left some stuff at your house? You can compile a small stack of his possessions and then calm your nerves. The whole process is about to reach a pivotal point and you want to sound relaxed and pleasant when you do call him. This way you have an understandable reason to reach out. If you can sound self-assured and casual throughout the phone call, he's more likely to set up a time and place to meet. Although it's just a meeting to reclaim some of his things it can easily leave to more. The first step is often the most difficult and you're headed towards an ultimate reconnection as long as you can keep your ground steady.

Your Next Steps

The first thing that you should be doing now is to learn the ins and outs of the no contact rule. When you implement this strategy correctly you will have him eating out of the palm of your hand again and making him chase you. You also need to watch for signs he still likes you. This will enable you to know exactly where you stand so that you do not embarrass yourself. You WILL get him back if you delve into the male psyche and look at things from his perspective.


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