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Contacting Your Ex Boyfriend? - Read This First
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Contacting Your Ex Boyfriend?  -  Read This First

Before you pick up that phone and dial that familiar number, you need to take a few things into consideration. Contacting your ex boyfriend on a whim or an impulse can lead you down the road to disaster instead of making headway towards getting him back. You need to weigh your options and have a plan in place before you can make that call and do everything you can to give yourself the tools to succeed.

Clearly you'll need to start speaking to him again if you want to get him back. Unfortunately, there is no magic incantation or time-traveling device that can either take back the breakup entirely or do all the hard work for you. But before you can even think about reaching out, you need to think about how contact will be received. If you think it may go smoothly and perfectly and one phone call will make him fall in love with you again, you need to step out of wonderland and have some coffee. Getting back together with an ex can be a long process and you need to be ready for the haul.

You may be driving yourself crazy with questions and doubts. You want to know if you should call him first and you don't really know what to say. Should you wait for him to call you? What if he doesn't? All these questions are racing around your mind and making you nuts. Before worrying about any of that, go back to the basics. If he's avoiding contact with you, he probably doesn't want to talk to you - at least for now. You need to work on changing that and make him want to hear your voice again. Only then will you be in the best possible position to get him back.

Perception is Reality - Let Him See that You're Moving On

How do you think he's viewing you right now? Aside from just remembering the girl he broke up with, he is probably realizing that your feelings for him are still as strong as ever. You may have given him every indication to believe that you're going to be there in the background indefinitely waiting for him to come around again while he goes off and does whatever he wants. That's absolutely the wrong message to send. He's not going to start the process of reconsidering his decision until he realizes that you may not be willing to just stick around.

Instead of doing everything you can to insert yourself into his new single life, avoid it completely. Don't give in to your urges and give him more space than he bargained for. Avoid the messages, the Facebook stalking, the drive-by attempts to get another look at him. Move in different circles and do as much as you can to insure that your paths don't cross. Don't make the mistake of believing he's not going to notice. He already has. His safety net is starting to fray around the edges and he's beginning to come to the understanding that his footing may not be as certain as he once believed.

That's when things really start to change. You're taking the situation into your own hands instead of just waiting for a miracle. You should feel a huge sense of pride and realize that you're on the road to success if you can just make it over a few more hurdles. Don't just come to terms with the breakup - enjoy it. Let your ex-boyfriend hear about how well you're doing from mutual acquaintances. It's going to drive him crazy and put you in a perfect position for your next move.

Increase His Curiosity by Staying Out of Sight

Once you've started to take action, you need to commit to it completely. That means that all communication between you and your ex-boyfriend has to stop - and it has to be on your terms. Don't let him call the shots anymore. Instead of texting him throughout the day, temporarily delete his number. Distract yourself during the periods where you're most likely to make contact. Do whatever it takes. This is going to be the single most effective and important move you make towards getting your relationship back.

Once all contact stops, your ex is naturally going to start to wonder. He's going to wonder what you're up to and who you're with. He's going to realize that he's not the center of your world anymore and you're not simply pursuing him in the hopes of convincing him to give you another shot. You're suddenly gone and he never saw it coming. By playing hardball this way, you're putting him and his ego in a perilous position while asserting your own independence. This is the opportunity you've been waiting for.

Initial Contact - Convincing him to Call You

Getting him to pick up that phone after a period of silence isn't necessarily as hard as you may think. The waiting is the hardest part of the whole process, but the payoff at the end is well worth it. Instead of letting your imagination run wild, throw yourself into a new activity or pick up an old hobby that has fallen by the wayside. Keep yourself busy physically and mentally to avoid lapses in judgment that can easily be triggered by loneliness or insecurity.

It's hard to accept that after all you've done and the changes you've made that he's still not dialing your number. This says more about his current state than yours. He's still trying to process his own thoughts and a lot of feelings that he thought he had successfully buried are coming to the surface all over again. If he's keeping his distance it's because he's trying to work it out on his own. This can only work in your favor - the more he thinks about you and comes to miss you, the greater your chances of getting him back become.

Instead of fixating on the timing and the waiting and your growing impatience, focus on the positive. See things from a different point of view and draw your own conclusions. Instead of letting your insecurity get you down, think of how far you've come from the girl he broke up with. You want to maintain your positive demeanor and continue down the path to growth. That way, despite the outcome you can look back and recognize that you're someone that deserves your own respect and admiration - and that's worth far more than someone else's.

Your Next Steps

The next thing that you will need to learn is what to say and when to say it when he does contact you again. Saying the wrong things at this stage will set you back a few steps and perhaps make him think that contacting you again was not a good idea after all. The most effective way for you to communicate with him in these early stages is through text, but you have to get to that stage first. Arm yourself with the no contact techniques to drive him wild with desire for you and render him weak at the knees.

After that you have to watch out for the signs he still loves you. There is no point putting in all of this work if he isn't showing any positive response. Knowing where you stand is a good idea either way. If he isn't showing any real indications that he is still interested in you, it is time to take things up a notch and make your ex boyfriend jealous. This isn't as underhand as it may seem, do it right and ethically and you will see positive results.


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