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grasping at straws
ducks in a row
security blanket
positive outlook
whatever life
self image
demeanor
video game
conversations
feelings
attitude
confidence
My Ex Boyfriend Called - What Should I Say To Him?
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My Ex Boyfriend Called  -  What Should I Say To Him?

When you were dating your ex-boyfriend, he seemed so easy to talk to. Maybe it's because he was never really listening at all. If most of your important conversations took place while he was watching football or playing a video game, communication may not have been as perfect as you'd like to believe. Now it's more important than ever to know what to say to your ex - and how you should approach a renewed conversation. Make sure you have your ducks in a row and you're not left grasping at straws when the time to talk finally comes.

You need to rid yourself of any potential problems with your attitude before you can take a single step forward. You need an emotional make-over and there is no time like the present. Are you angry that he dumped you? Do you feel betrayed or disappointed? If the answer is yes, you are in no position to establish contact. Those types of issues are easily conveyed through conversation - even if you try to avoid it. What makes you want to get back together with someone that made you feel that way? Try to focus on the good and remind yourself what you're doing and why. Then you can toss those lingering feelings for good - and you're ready for the next step.

Developing a more positive outlook is certainly going to come across to others, your ex-boyfriend included. While it may be difficult for you to discern, it will be blatantly obvious to others. A positive self-image and confidence is a big attractor to members of the opposite sex. In fact, it is probably one of the driving factors behind why your ex found you so irresistible in the beginning. By willingly embracing the future and refusing to let the past keep you down, you're showing the world that you can handle whatever life throws your way and you can do it while maintaining your demeanor.

Your ex subconsciously wants you to want him. More than that, he needs you to still want him. That lets him know that he's desirable even though he broke things off. Take his security blanket away by stopping any and all contact that you've been having with him. Stop talking to his friends or family members that you know. If he doesn't know the ins and outs of your daily life, he's going to wonder what's changed. The male ego is a curious thing and by avoiding contact completely, you're severing the cord that's feeding it. That's going to make him more interested and curious about your life than ever before and he's going to have to make a move if he wants to find out the answers to the nagging questions plaguing his mind.

Before long, your ex isn't going to be able to stand it anymore and he's going to have to get some answers. He may have dumped you, but you're the one that set the stage for removing contact. That means you need to stick to your timetable and not succumb to his. Once three to four weeks have gone by with no contact on your part, it is safe to talk to him again - on your terms. That means that you're not going to go all mushy over a five word text or an email. You want a phone call - and you want to be as calm as possible before picking up. Take some deep breaths and focus on the outcome - not on how good it is to hear from him.

Confusion has now become your best friend. The more confused he is, the more concerned he will be. It probably never occurred to him that you could successfully move on without him - or that his backup plan of coming back may not be viable. He is only going to be interested in a renewed relationship when he thinks he is about to miss his chance and that can only occur once he misses you and realizes that his chance to get you back is slipping quickly out of his fingers.

Once his confusion level reaches its peak, he's going to pick up that phone, even if it's just with the intention of leaving a message. When you answer the call, he's going to be on edge. It's the first time you've heard each other's voices in some time. In order to keep the plan in motion, make sure the conversation is short, simple and casual and don't let your joy at hearing from him creep into your tone of voice.

At the same time you want him to think that you were happy to hear from him so he is encouraged for the next time. Your best bet is to stick to the middle road and to pull that off, make it sound like you're busy. It's a built in excuse for not letting the conversation drag on indefinitely and filling with awkward pauses - or things that shouldn't be said out loud that you'll regret later.

The conversation should last between 2-4 minutes and no longer. That's the perfect amount of time to make small talk and see how each other is. Once there seems to be a natural break in the flow of conversation that includes your ex's reason for calling in the first place, let him know that you've got something to go do, and leave it at that.

Before you're able to get off the phone, your ex may ask if he can call you again. By remaining agreeable but not committing to any details, you're leaving the door wide open for him to call you again. Also, if he asks what you're going to do, stay simple. Tell him that you have a few errands to run or that you're meeting someone for coffee. After he's said goodbye, go out and do just that to give your mind a chance to unwind and loosen up all the nerves that were on edge throughout the entire conversation.

Right now, you can give yourself a huge round of applause while your ex-boyfriend is undergoing some post-traumatic stress. If he was still convincing himself that he had you right where he wanted you in case he decided to give the relationship another shot, that delusion is over. You snatched the rug right out from under him, and now he's on shaky ground.

Now you're no longer the one constantly pursuing him - it's the other way around. He has to face the reality that you're calling the shots and he has somehow lost the control he thought he had over the situation - and over you. You have shot his self-confidence to pieces and he finally understands that his feelings for you are not going to matter if it's already too late and you've moved on. He's not going to be willing to risk it - not as long as his feelings for you are still present.

When your ex calls you, your key to success is to keep it casual, brief and upbeat. Attitude is everything and if you can stay in a positive place throughout the conversation, the words you actually say are not going to matter so much. The way you express yourself and how you come off to him does.

Your Next Steps

The next thing that you need to do is learn some powerful get him back tricks, when you use these he will not even know what hit him. You will working in the background to change his mind about you without him even knowing it. You should also pay attention to how he really feels about you after the break up. He will be exhibiting signs he still likes you, look out for them to know where you stand.

You should also be avoiding these break up mistakes at all costs, they will make your ex boyfriend see you in a negative light and he will not want to get back together.


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