How many times have you watched a friend or co-worker get excited about receiving an unexpected text from their ex, convinced that it means that they're getting back together? How many times has it actually worked out for them? Now that you find yourself in that position, it can be easy to get your hopes up - but your chances of reconciliation are just as slim as theirs.

Maybe after a period of silence, your ex has sent you a message that could be considered as playful or even flirty. Maybe they're suddenly being overly polite where before they were cold. Maybe it has caused a large upsurge in your hope, and given your thoughts towards getting back together new life. It's easy to convince yourself that this renewed contact means that he's changed his mind and he wants you back.

Don't take things at face value

Before you jump on the relationship bandwagon, slow down and take a few minutes to breathe. Don't read too much into those texts and get your hopes up before you know for sure what's happening. Getting too hopeful is the best way to getting hurt all over again - and the damage can be just as bad as the breakup itself. Just because he's communicating with you again does NOT mean that he's automatically, instantly ready to get back together.

Breakups naturally trigger strong and often conflicting emotions. You go through different stages initially that range from disbelief to anger and a sense of loss. Eventually you start to develop a sense that this is just the way things are now, and you start to accept your new reality - even if it was the last thing that you wanted to happen. Moving on is hard and time consuming process.

When you're ready to finally move on, you probably experienced a surge in self-confidence, and you're ready to take on the world - and find someone that's actually worth your time and attention. You're after someone who appreciates you for who you are, and someone who won't take you for granted. Getting to that stage post breakup is a huge accomplishment - and all that hard work can come to a screeching halt with a sudden text from your ex. Even that small amount of unexpected and unforeseen contact with an ex boyfriend can cause massive amount s of confusion, and set you back from your course of being a determined single woman.

He is confused as well

While you are aware that a full range of emotions follows a breakup on your end, you have to realize that the same is true on his end as well, even if he's the one that called it off. He has to go through the confusion, the sense of loss, the anger and finally the acceptance as well. If it ended while you both had strong feelings for each other, he may have a large sense of guilt for hurting you or causing you pain.

It's also possible that he regrets his decision to end the relationship, especially if it was not properly thought out and was a spur-of-the-moment choice that may have not worked out according to plan. Maybe he's starting to realize what a good catch you really were, and he's starting to wish that things had ended up differently. Loneliness can be a very powerful motivator, and he could just be looking for some attention or affection that he's missing now that you're not a part of his life.

If your ex boyfriend suddenly starts texting, it can knock the wind out of you. It doesn't matter what the message says - whether it's simply asking you how you are or a long-awaited apology, the effect is usually the same. Your emotions are not prepared for it, and it can stir up a lot of conflicting, confusing emotions instantly. He is counting on the fact that you still care about him - and he's going out of his way to get a positive and quick response.

Why he might be texting

It's true - it is possible (but unlikely) that he truly is interested in restarting your relationship, his intentions may be focused more on the short-term. Dating can be a long and difficult road. If he's gotten nothing from the dates he's been on, he may just be looking to fill the void with something familiar until something better comes along. It's usually easier for guys to connect with someone that they previously knew rather than starting over from scratch.

That is obviously not a position that you want to be put into, especially when you're after something more. You won't want to be his fallback choice in case something doesn't work out, just to be left in the dust when something better crosses his path. Playing that role will only set you up for failure and cause you more pain in the future. You can experience all the pain of another breakup when his temporary solution ends abruptly and he's now suddenly ready to move on.

How you should deal with him

It is vital that you take caution when and if you respond to him - and how much interest you invest in your communication. While you may be jumping up and down with excitement at all the new possibilities swimming around in your head, don't convey that giddiness through your response. Keep in mind how hard your breakup was on you in the first place, and remember all the steps that you had to take to get to where you are now. Learning all about the no contact rule with your ex boyfriend will keep you on the right track here.

Rekindling a relationship isn't possible unless he's willing to explain what happened when he dumped you the first time, apologizes for any flaws in his behavior and has a plan for how to make your relationship a success now. Unless there is a clear path to improving the problems in your previous relationship, the same problems will repeat themselves in the present. Don't fall into the trap offered by your excitement. There is no reason to rush back into his life with open arms - take your time and be cautious.

Respond the same way you would respond to a casual acquaintance. Let him open up and show you his intentions prior to investing yourself fully in the possibility of your future. Let him re-earn your trust, and allow him time to prove himself before welcoming him back into your life with open arms while turning a blind eye to how much he hurt you in the past.

Your Next Steps

If you are still asking yourself "why is my ex boyfriend texting me?" then it would be a good idea to delve a little deeper and see if he has feelings for you. There are many signs he still loves you and you should be looking out for these.

If you are interested in getting your ex boyfriend back then you need to do some work to make that happen. The first thing that you need to do is to understand the importance of communication with your ex boyfriend and how to make it work to your advantage. After this you will want to attract him back to you. This is easily achievable when you start implementing proven psychological techniques that will make him desire you like he used to.