Imagine this.. Imagine that you have a date coming up. It’s a blind date and your friends set you up on this. You haven’t met the girl yet, but you get a sense that she is pretty attractive and you are interested in meeting her.

You meet the girl, you like her and you want to impress her. So either before or after you meet the girl your mind starts picking up the things about yourself that you would want her to know?

Maybe it is an event that has happened in your life, maybe there are things in your resume that makes you feel good about yourself , maybe it’s travel that you’ve done, work that you’ve done, volunteering that you’ve done, maybe it’s someone you’ve been with.. You just feel that urge to share all things about you that are most impressive to a woman or to other people in general. Been there?

Now here is a clear statement that I want to make.

“THESE THINGS ABOUT YOU DO NOT CAUSE ATTRACTION! Trying to impress a girl with these things does not help you with women.”

I’m not saying these are bad things for a woman to know, but the desire to impress a woman, the need for other people to know those things, communicates lower status and kills attraction!

And this is a trap that a lot of us are falling to. You see, as human beings we constantly seek validation for what we’ve done and accomplished in our lives. We seek validation from our family, from our friends, even from random people we’ve never met before. It’s not only on a first date with a woman. It’s something regularly happening in a person’s life. And this need got stronger when we communicate with someone we really like or care about. It’s human nature to seek validation.

The problem is when we are trying to impress a girl by giving her all the reasons to like us, we are actually talking to her logical brain. We are trying to show women all this good things about us, right?

But here is the key. When we suppress that need to show those things it implies strength, status and confidence that actually create attraction. When you don’t seek validation from other people you convey that you are INTERNALLY validated, which is a skill most men don’t possess.

Here is an example. Have you ever seen a really ripped guy, who is really fit and have a nice body, walking around half naked with his shirt off in the middle of the city? You know like a billion miles away from the beach? This is seeking validation. It’s not that women aren’t attracted to guys with nice bodies, but what it says about him that he feels the need to show off negates the attraction. That’s not attractive because he needs to show it off and that signals lower status.

Here is my point: Control the urge to impress girls with the achievements in your life. Sooner or later women will naturally find those things about you. And it’s better to find those things by themselves. A woman will appreciate it much better if it actually took her a while to figure those things out. Just don’t bring up yourself.

For example let say a woman ask you what do you do. And you own a company that helps people improve their own businesses or whatever. Now don’t give her a straight answer.

Instead saying “Oh, I own a company and one hundred people are working for me” you may say something like “Well, I work with people” or “My job is to make people’s life better J”. Think of a creative way to get her attention without giving her a straight answer. You gotta be careful though, because if you try not to brag about yourself you may start noticing the following things happening:

She may start asking more questions about you. Cause she is intrigued.

She may invest a lot more in the conversation and give you more attention.

She may start subconsciously screening you for other attractive qualities

And most importantly, after she finds out what you do, she may actually be really impressed that you didn’t brag about it.

If a woman is already attracted to you and you already have status and she finds out these things about you – great. But if you reveal the need to impress those things, takes it away from them. Of course don’t get to the point that you’re absolutely ridiculous, you know, avoiding all her questions. If you need to say it because there is nothing else to say, then tell her. But try to hold it back. Bait her to invest a little more in the interaction, because otherwise you are making a monologue instead of a dialogue.

So I want to challenge you to not reveal those impressive things about you unless you absolutely have to. Try it for a week. Try it for a night! Go out and if you are proud with your job and someone ask you what do you do, you find a way how to downplay it or deflect it or give them a quick answer and move on. Just as an exercise, see what happens. Because when we can’t rely on those things anymore, when we inhibit those behaviors we start actually feel better about ourselves.