Knowing what to say to your ex after a break up is incredibly difficult. Right now you are probably conflicted about whether you should talk to them at all. Saying the right thing is crucial if you want to maintain any kind of friendship with your ex, this is even more important if you are hoping that you will get back together in the future.

There are a few things that you should say to your ex after the break up to ensure that they still hold you in high esteem. There are also things that you should not be saying to your ex if you want them to talk to you again. It is a fine line to walk and you need to think before you speak - something that isn't that easy when your emotions are running high and you want to act on them. Before you let your tongue run away with you, lets look at what you should and shouldn't be saying to your ex and how to know if you are ready for renewed communication.

Should I Or Shouldn't I?

Obviously every situation is different. Maybe your relationship demise was a slow burner and both of you reached an amicable decision to end things. This would mean that you are probably still friends and that you make the effort to keep in touch. Emotions will not be as highly charged in this type of break up situation. You will find it a lot easier to talk to your ex and conversation should flow quiet easily. This obviously isn't a typical break up scenario, transitioning to friends who have a good old natter just isn't feasible or possible for many couples.

On the other hand, if you and your ex broke up suddenly and there was a lot of pain and anger involved, talking to them will be an extremely difficult process. Maybe your ex broke up with you and it came as a shock. Anything that you say in the aftermath of this type of break up will ultimately backfire on you because you are speaking from a position of hurt. You really need to take a deep breath and calm down if this is the case, especially if you want to get your ex back later on. Saying things to get back at your ex or pleading on them to give it another chance will only paint you as a desperado - no one wants that.

Talking to your ex is something that you should not put yourself through if you just aren't ready for it. This could only end up destroying your recovery process because you might hear things that will upset you even more. Make the best decision for you personally. If you are not ready to talk to your ex then don't put yourself through the trauma of it. You both could end up saying things that you will later regret. When the dust has settled and you are able to think rationally, talking to your ex will not be such a big ordeal.

When You Have Decided To Talk To Your Ex - How To Approach It

Okay, so you have decided that you want to talk to your ex again, so where do you start? Ringing them up out of the blue and expecting to have a heart to heart is unrealistic at this point. Remember that you have not spoken for a while, so any attempt at communication will be viewed suspiciously by your ex. They will want to know what you are up to and immediately think that you want to get back together or that you are spying on them. This is obviously not the impression that you want to create even if you do want your ex back.

A short text or Facebook message is the best way to go if you haven't been speaking to your ex. It does not pile the pressure on you or your ex and you have time to formulate and think about what you want to say. It also means that you do not have to worry about those awkward silences that phone calls stir up. It is also much less invasive than a direct phone call. Something short and sweet that does not demand a reply is best. Never betray how you are feeling or that you haven't moved on. Come across as cheerful and cool about the whole break up. This way your ex will open up to you more and be more receptive to talking to you again.

Slow And Steady Wins The Race

You should never expect a full blown conversation right from the offing. This will take time and you must be patient to see results. You will never win your ex back by jumping in head first and proclaiming your undying love for your ex. Whilst this is all very romantic in Hollywood, it rarely has the desired affect in real life. It is best to approach this having an end goal in mind and realising that you will have to stick at it.

Running your mouth off at the first opportunity is also a bad idea. Remember that you will want to create an air of mystery about you and appear interesting to your ex again. Saying too much at this stage will only make you look kind of desperate and eager to impress. Always hold something back. You might have loads to catch up on with your ex and you are probably itching to know what they have been up to since the break up, but this should never be obvious to your ex. You cannot crowd them and expect them to divulge everything to you - talking to your ex after your break up will be awkward at first so be prepared for this.

What To Say To Your Ex

What you say to your ex will either win them back or push them away forever. This is why you must choose your words carefully. Keep in mind that you need to be upbeat and approachable. Never ever talk about the break up or go over old issues that were a bone of contention between you. This will only make your ex think that you haven't moved on and that you can't let the past go. Your ex will want to avoid any contact with you at all if you continue to lament the demise of your relationship.

It is advisable to stick to everyday topics to begin with. Mentioning that you are happy to hear from them again is fine - you don't want to come across as angry and bitter or like you are just not interested in them anymore. If something interesting has happened in your life you can throw that into the conversation. Only mention it in passing though - don't blow your own trumpet or it will seem like you are trying too hard to impress. By the same token you should ask your ex how things are with them and if they have been up to anything exciting. Taking an interest in their life will show them that you still care.

Cracking a few jokes or being witty from time to time is also beneficial here. It is a little flirtatious and that is okay, you can lay the groundwork for reigniting the spark and making your ex remember what you once had. Don't go over the top though, it has to be natural!

Although you may be tempted to talk for hours and hours with your ex, you will have to restrain yourself. Remember that you want to leave your ex wanting more. Cutting the conversation short is a good idea after a few minutes. Say that it was good to hear from them but that you have to run now. Suggest that they contact you next week or vice versa. This will make your ex wonder what you are up to and create some mystery.

Breaking the ice is a daunting prospect but making that first move is the biggest hurdle. There are many more things that you can be doing in the background to get your ex back, you just have to learn them and apply them. The more you know about human psychology the better your chances are of winning your ex back.

Your Next Steps

Getting to the point of contacting your ex also need some work on your part. If you get the period of no contact right then your ex will be much more receptive to talking to you again and they may well even initiate conversation.

Apart from this you will also need to understand how your ex currently feels about you. Look out for signs ex still loves you. This will help you to grasp if you have a chance of winning them back in the future. Making your ex miss you is also a crucial part of speeding up the reconciliation process. If you can use these make ex miss you techniques properly then your ex will be the one chasing you.