When relationships fall apart it can leave people divided and torn within themselves, as well as from each other. Part of you may want to get back together with your ex, while another part wants to take revenge for the hurt and ‘see them pay’. But a harsh revenge can cause damage that is irreparable, so that you no longer have the chance to get back together. It is much cleverer to get back at your ex in ways that make them start to notice you again, and wonder if they have made a mistake in breaking up with you. If that sounds impossible, try these 5 tactics and prove that you can have your cake and eat it!

1. Be strong, confident and resourceful. Being needy is never attractive, so don’t beg or plead for another chance, or make it obvious how desperate you feel. Let your ex see you are moving on and building a new life without them, and they will start to have regrets and realise how much they are missing you.

2. Stop all communication. Of course this is temporary, but for the time being you need to stop seeing or contacting your ex. Give them time and space to look at their lives and see all that they have lost by ending your relationship. They can’t see any of this if you are pursuing them. Give them time to miss you and remember all the good things you had together.

3. Don’t cut all ties by insisting that they move out or pick up their things by a certain date. Instead be reasonable and sympathetic and show calmness and flexibility about winding up your life together. Your new easier manner will reassure and intrigue them, and improving communication is great for inspiring your ex to reassess things between you.

4. Get busy! Get out of the house and start rediscovering your hobbies; do some sport, train and see more of your friends. The more you ex sees you enjoying life the more likely they are to regret the break up and start thinking positively about the good things you enjoyed when you were together. It will be good for you too!

5. Rediscover your old self. Try to forget the bitterness and show yourself at your best. You will be happier, and seeing the person they first fell in love with will bring back all your ex’s best memories. They will remember why they first wanted to be with you, and why they might want to get back with you again.

All this takes a lot of strength and resolution on your part, both to implement and to keep up. But it is worth making the effort so that your ex will see a relaxed, confident person who attracts other people into their life because they are easy and fun to be around. Showing yourself at your best like this will go a long way towards convincing you ex that they want to get back together with you.