My ex won't take me back because I cheated. If you are experiencing this problem at the moment it can be very frustrating because you just want to put everything right and go back to how things were. The problem is that you can't. It is not realistic to expect your ex to forgive you immediately and sweep your cheating under the carpet. You knew that this wouldn't be the case either. Would you forgive and forget that quickly if the shoe was on the other foot? Probably not.

You have likely been making a lot of mistakes after the thunder bolt of cheating hit your ex. It is normal to go about rescuing a relationship in the wrong way because we act on impulse and emotions. Instead of jumping in and hoping for the best you have to understand some things first. Do not keep repeating the same mistakes over and over and hoping for a different outcome. Below are the most common mistakes that people make with their exes after cheating. Examine them and alter your behaviour accordingly, then you will have a much better chance of getting your ex to trust you again.

Not Giving Your Ex Space

The truth is that you are going to have to give your ex some time to get their head around the cheating. You can't just wade in and expect forgiveness a few days later. Your ex needs this time to think about what has just happened, grieve for your relationship and figure out what just happened. Pushing your ex into a reconciliation will only pressure them into making a decision that they are not ready to make. This could have dire consequences for both of you.

You may think that rushing in and declaring your love and regret is the way to go. You want to show your ex that you are willing to fight for them and that the cheating meant nothing. This is all well and good, but your ex does not want anything to do with you right now, they are seething and hurt. Any attempts to cajole your ex into getting back together at this stage will only backfire and you could end up losing them for good.

Instead you need to take a step back and start to see things from your ex's perspective. How would you feel if your ex cheated on you? The last person that you would want to see is the one who hurt you, in fact you want to get as far away from them as possible. You need to respect your ex's need for space right now, not smother them with apologies - your words will seem empty to them anyway.

Regurgitating All The Gory Details Of The Affair

Whether it was a drunken kiss or a full blown affair, your ex will not want you to go over exactly what happened in minute detail. They may ask you to tell them and say that they have a right to know, but how on earth will this help them? They are hurting already and their imaginations are doing overtime trying to figure out what you did when you cheated. Of course you will have to be honest here, but going into detail will do none of you any favours, it will only make your ex see red and wreck your chances of a reconciliation.

Spare your ex any of the intimate details and you spare your ex further hurt and upset. Answer their questions as best as you can (they will probably have a lot) but be mindful of what you say. Use your common sense here, you don't want to end up ruining your ex's self esteem when they already feel pretty rotten about themselves anyway.

Blaming Your Ex For The Fact That You Cheated

This may seem like a no brainer, but in the heat of an argument things can slip out that you never meant to say. Hold your tongue as best as you can. Maybe your relationship had its weaknesses and you were unhappy. That does not excuse the fact that you cheated though. No matter how bad your relationship was prior to your cheating, it does not give you the right to be unfaithful and you probably know this deep down. Instead of doing the dirty on your partner you should have taken the mature route and sat down and discussed why you were unhappy in the relationship. This would have saved all of this mistrust and hurt that you are experiencing now.

In all honesty there is no one to blame but yourself for the cheating. You made the decision so you have to deal with the aftermath yourself rather than projecting the blame onto your ex. Your ex has enough anger and resentment to deal with here. They do not need to hear that they pushed you into sleeping with someone else. That will just make them think that you do not realise what you have really done and that you are not genuinely sorry for your actions. Getting back together after this will be almost impossible.

Continuing To See The Other Person

Eeek! What are you thinking? Your ex wants to know that you have no more contact with the person that you cheated on them with. It is only reasonable to assume that you would nip any contact in the bud if you are serious about giving your relationship another chance. Your ex will want to see that you mean what you say and that you will do anything to make them feel secure and happy again. If they know that you are continuing some kind of covert communication with this person they will doubt your sincerity and become distressed and paranoid.

You should not want this person in your life either, it makes things way too complicated and will always be a bone of contention with your ex. For your ex to forgive you you will have to put your words into action and allay any fears that they may have. If they know that you are still in contact with this person or have to see them, they will ultimately feel that temptation will always be there and that you are liable to cheat again. This temptation has to be removed before you can hope to regain your ex's trust.

You might be guilty of one or two of these things and this is impeding your chances of getting back together. Try to put yourself in your ex's position and see where they are coming from. This will make it much easier to know where you have been going wrong and enable you to put things right. You will have to be patient here, but if you are serious about fixing your relationship, giving your ex time is not that hard to do.

Your Next Steps

To get your ex back after cheating you will have to come up with a solid plan of action to ensure success. The best thing is to plant seeds in your ex's head and make your ex miss you. If they do not miss you then there is no hope of getting back together.

You also have to be on the lookout for signs ex still loves you, this will give you a much better idea of what your chances are and how your ex currently feels about you. Your ex is hardly likely to admit their true feelings in light of the cheating, but there are ways to figure out how they really feel.