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He Has Found Someone Else Already - What Will I Do?
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He Has Found Someone Else Already  -  What Will I Do?

You thought you knew exactly what you were doing. You read all the advice columns and you knew the process behind getting an ex-boyfriend back. You knew that he would have to start missing you first. You knew that you had to remind him off all the good times you shared and to let him know how much he meant to you. Now it seems like your intentions may have been in vain. You heard from a friend of a friend that he's already found someone else. He's been going out with someone else, and he seems happy - for now. The normal techniques won't work now - or will they?

The truth is that you're going to need a little something extra to win an ex back when he has found someone else. An already difficult process is compounded by the added complication of contending with someone else. You have a lot of difficult steps that need to be tackled one at a time to not only break his current infatuation as well as rekindling his interest in you as a match. In the end, this is going to require some clever ploys but you have a lot of tricks up your sleeve and you're prepared for a fight.

One of your key advantages here is your natural ability to pull out all the stops. While you don't want to come right out and admit that you're willing to play with your ex's emotions and pit his residual feelings for you against the new ones he's developing for his new girlfriend, you do recognize that special circumstances require some unique solutions. You'll need to reconnect and open the lines of communication but due to his new relationship you can't do it out in the open. This requires time and patience while your ex figures out if you're someone that truly can be trusted - otherwise opening up will be next to impossible.

Initially you have to put your patience into practice in a way that is going to be hard. When you look at their relationship and how close they seem to be getting you'll want to throw a wrench in the process right off the bat but if you go that route you're only going to end up frustrated. Relationship super-glue is strongest in the beginning stages as they're reveling in the beginning of something new. You're not going to be able to break that apart now.

The best thing you can do for everyone is to take a few steps back and give them that time. Once the shiny newness has started to fade, your ex-boyfriend is going to be much more open to the possibility of reconnecting with you, although he'll be wary at first. You need to be convincing and give him the impression that you're over your relationship with him. Then he'll start to let you in, rather than be concerned that you're going to work to undermine his new relationship.

You're not just going to strand his new relationship; you're going to scuttle it. But that will come later on.

While keeping an eye on the prize is certainly important, it is equally important to understand that the steps that lead you there are an equal and integral part of the process. Before you can start imagining your life a few years down the road complete with white picket fence, you need to put an end to the contact break and reach out.

Knowing how to contact him initially is tricky in order to avoid any drama on the part of his new girlfriend. Think of a good (and believable) excuse to send him a quick message via email. When you're crafting your masterpiece remember that less is more and make it something that he needs to respond to - like a question or comment. When he does email you back, you can start to move the conversation forward - slowly and surely but steadily in the right direction.

You get the chance to recreate the bond between you and your ex in a way that limits the risk - his girlfriend won't know what's going on behind the scenes. If she comes up in conversation, make sure that he's the one bringing her up and don't ask questions. He's going to be curious to see your reaction and acting impartially is a key part of your strategy. If you lean towards any negativity at all, he's going to be on edge and think that you're acting like a jealous ex - don't give him the ammunition he's looking for to stick you in the "friend zone" and limit your possibilities completely.

At this point you can start realistically expecting that things will begin to progress. Emails may cease being sufficient forms of contact for your ex and he may reach out via a phone call or a few texts - but only when he's got some time alone. Don't give him the impression that you're just waiting by the phone - if you're available to talk, pick it up and be sincerely glad to talk. You want to make these conversations as pleasant as possible for both of you and start establishing a mutual comfort level, building an underlying bond between you.

If your ex-boyfriend starts spilling the beans about all his new girlfriend's bad habits you may literally have to bite your tongue to prevent yourself from responding in kind. It is absolutely critical that you not give in to the temptation to match his complaints word for word. He's relying on you as a "friend" that he can turn to. You don't want him to get defensive if he thinks you're attacking his relationship or his current girlfriend.

When it comes time to see each other in person means that you're almost at the finish line. Your first few meetings may have a few moments of tension or awkwardness - it's probably been awhile. Remind him that you're still the same girl that he fell for and put your best face forward. Try to keep your conversations upbeat and enjoyable and let him talk about his life and what he's into. By encouraging him you are allowing him to recognize that he's comfortable spending time with you again - and it's not just something that he felt over the phone.

After the first couple meetings things may start to move faster. Just relax and let things take their natural course. It will be better for both of you to remember to breathe and slow down - there's no rush and you've waited far too long to get to this point without risking it all on a whim.

Timing is everything. In order to know when the time is right to strike you need to watch the way your ex-boyfriend acts instead of going by what he says. There are tell-tale signs that are evident through body language and nonverbal communication that speak louder than words ever could. When he starts letting you know that he's open to the possibility, return his signals in turn. All of a sudden a moment will turn into a firestorm of electricity and these will only be intensified by the fact that he's still in a relationship with someone else.

Your Next Steps

Now you know the basics, it is time to step things up a gear. To reconcile with him you need to start using get him back techniques that are so powerful he wakes up to his mistake and does everything he can to get you back.

One of these techniques is making him want you back, until this happens he will not give up his new relationship for anyone. You also should clue into how he actually feels about you. If there are any feelings there he will be showing signs he still likes you.

Street Talk

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