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He Wants A Break - What Do I Do?
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He Wants A Break  -  What Do I Do?

A lot of women find the concept of taking a "break" from their relationship at their current boyfriend's request worse than experiencing an actual breakup. It feels like your entire life has been put in limbo - you can't really let go of the past and you can't move forward into the future. It's complicated to explain and even more complicated to understand and the underlying doubt encompasses everything around you.

You start doing a mental rundown of everything that you could have done wrong. Did you nag him about stupid things too often? Did you smother him because you were trying to give him attention? Did you get in his way when he was trying to do his own thing? What can be done to get him back with you again?

It's hard to know what's really happening inside of your boyfriend's head and it's not like you can ask him for clarification. Although you're dying to shake some answers out of him, you know that pressing your luck right now may end your relationship for good. As soon as a questioning look even appears on your face, he shuts up immediately and won't say a word. Pushing him right now won't get you answers - it will get you left behind for good.

First Steps Forward

Your boyfriend let the word "break" slip casually from his mouth and everything seems to have changed. You want answers and you want them now, but they're as elusive as he's become. If you start asking him a bunch of questions that don't have easy answers, he's going to push you even further away than you already are. The distance between you is already growing at an alarming rate, and it seems like no matter what you do it's only getting worse.

If it seems hopeless, it's not. Not really. You can prevent a full-scale breakup from taking place, but you need to be careful and think rationally - don't let your emotions get in the way.

The two of you need to decide on some ground rules that will be in place throughout the course of your time apart. If he's unwilling to communicate with you, you need to establish some rules of your own that will govern your behavior and your expectations. He may not feel obligated to follow them, but they can set a standard for you in order to decide how much you're willing to take and what will be a deal-breaker. Don't let him bully you into agreeing to his terms without even knowing what they are. He may have started this whole process but that doesn't mean he gets to make all the decisions here.

Give Him The Space He Wanted - And Then Some

If you let your boyfriend define his version of a "break" you're going to be left holding the short end of the stick. He's going to trample all over your self-confidence and reduce you to a fallback companion in case he feels alone - or can't make other plans in time. You can't assert your own needs or wants for fear of pushing him away. You're left lonely and deserted and you feel more betrayed than ever.

If this is starting to feel more and more like an actual breakup, you may be onto something. In a way it is. It's a breakup that is only effective on one side. One of you gets everything they want and the other person is left with nothing. He's giving a breakup a test drive and leaving you behind in the dust. If you want to get him back then you have to turn this dynamic around.

It comes down to the fact that he expects you to sit and bide your time until he's had enough fun and comes back. The ugly reality is that he's not going to - not while he can have his cake and eat it too. That's why you need to stir things up. If he doesn't come to grips with what he stands to lose, he's never going to think that a break wasn't the best idea. For him, he's in control and there's nothing that can stand in his way - but you're about to change his perception in a big way, and you can be sure that he's going to notice.

Make Him Interested in a Real Relationship

As long as you allow this behavior to continue you're staring down a break of infinite proportions. He's not going to change his mind when he knows he has everything going for him. Can you blame him? He gets to have a woman waiting at home while he goes out and has some fun - and he's not obligated to be faithful, keep in touch or keep his commitments.

In order for you to switch things up and turn the tables, you need him to understand that you're not okay with an indefinite waiting period and that if he doesn't get his act together he's going to lose you entirely. This is best accomplished by refusing to mope around and think about what you've lost. This is your golden opportunity to experience the best parts of being single again. You can go out and have fun too. Why should he get to have all the laughs while you're the one doing all the crying? Buck up, hold your head up high and make a resolution to truly enjoy yourself - even if you have to do it without him.

If your ex thought you were going to sit at home a knit while you cried over your broken heart, show him how mistaken he was. He never should have taken you for granted. If he can't see how truly remarkable you are, someone else will. Once he realizes that you are desirable, he'll start to miss you again and soon after that he'll start to realize that his chance with you may have passed for good. Guys want what they can't have - it's human nature. Once he realizes he may have blown it, he's going to start wanting you again and then you've got him in the perfect position.

You need to be prepared. Don't put the future of your relationship at risk by just tossing a coin into the well and hoping for the best. Make it happen - your time to act is now.

Your Next Steps

First off you need to work out if he still has feelings for you. Reading the signs he still loves you is crucial if you want to know where you stand with your chances of getting him back. Other than that, you will need to understand the power of the no contact rule. It is key to getting him to rethink the break and want you back immediately. If you use it correctly you can create desire and attraction again.

Another thing that you need to do is make ex boyfriend miss you. You will not get him back until this happens, so learn the proper techniques and what will affect him to be successful.


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