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He Wants Time Apart - What Should I Do?
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He Wants Time Apart  -  What Should I Do?

You thought it was just a myth - no one really needs to take a "break" from a good relationship, do they? Your friends who experienced it first-hand had obviously missed some vital clues along the way and you hardly knew what advice to give them. Then it happens to you. You're sitting down to what was supposed to be a pleasant evening when the words come spilling out of his mouth and you don't know what to say.

Why would your boyfriend need some time away from you? What did you possibly do wrong? How could you have not seen this coming? Your senses seem to have scattered and it's all you can do to keep yourself from throwing a fit - but you manage to control yourself. For now.

It's hard to determine what a break means - for each couple in each situation it often carries different meanings and trying to put your own interpretation on it can be a tricky task. You don't know if it's a sign that your relationship is doomed for eventual failure or if he really is genuine in just taking some time to himself. You want to know when it will end so you can start marking days off of the calendar. The thing is he probably doesn't have the answers and if you ask him, he's going to pull away even more.

Your Initial Options

The first option that is most commonly considered is to fight back. Women feel like they need to protect the relationship that they've built and they may refuse their guy's suggestion outright. If they do agree to a break, they won't leave their guy alone. They'll pursue him relentlessly, flood his email box with messages, text or call him repeatedly and basically make sure that they're on the path to a breakup that's permanent. The more you try to keep it from happening, the more it's going to happen anyway. Your boyfriend has made his decision before ever approaching you with it and he's unlikely to change his mind because of something you've said or done.

The second option is the one that's actually going to get you somewhere but before you can put it into practice you need to figure out exactly what a break entails. Does it mean that he's free to see other people? Does it mean that he can form a physical relationship with someone else? Clearly the commitment has disintegrated, so what does that mean for you? Don't allow him to run you over with his own ideas. Just because it was his idea doesn't mean he's the only one capable of making decisions.

The Best Plan of Attack

In order for you to reverse this process and start to see your newly ex-boyfriend back-peddle he needs to come to the realization that he misses having you around - and that means that you have to go. Stop responding to his messages. Don't answer the door if he shows up unannounced. Don't call him or send texts. You need to let him be on his own and find out the consequences of his decision. If he asks you why, simply remind him that he wanted space and you're just respecting his wishes. This is going to force him to take a good, hard look at what life is like when you're not around.

Whatever your ex had in mind, this isn't it. He wasn't really asking for space to begin with - he was asking for a breakup light. He thinks that means that he can see you whenever it suites him but he doesn't have to if he has something better to do. He doesn't have to answer to you anymore and he doesn't owe you any explanations. What he failed to realize is that it's a two way street and now you're out on your own too. The possibility that you may not be patiently waiting for him at home until he's had enough never crossed his mind - not even for an instant. All of a sudden, he's forced to consider that you may not just be praying for the day he returns - you may be getting on with your own life now that you have the free time to do it.

As long as you subject yourself to his expectations, nothing is ever going to change. Who would want to reverse a process that insures that they have the upper hand? He has everything going for him (at least as far as he thinks). He has the security of having someone to come home to without having to restrict himself due to a commitment. As long as his mindset is fixated on that perspective his mind isn't going to change. You have to initiate a new train of thought - one that involves the possibility that he may lose you completely and he has no one to blame but himself.

Change His Mind About a Relationship

One of the best ways to stop your ex in his tracks is by making him see the truth - not the gold-lined reality that he's made up in his head. If he continues down this road and refuses to acknowledge that the two of you really had something special he could miss out on his opportunity to come back at all.

You can put this into practice by taking the focus off of him and putting it back on yourself. Now is not the time to go crying in your Kleenex. Now is the time to get up, get out of the house and leave your cell phone behind. Go out with some of your girlfriends. If you must take your phone with you, have a friend hold it in their purse so you're not tempted to continually check for messages or missed calls from your ex. Guess what? You're not obligated to him any more than he is to you. You don't' have to answer his calls by the second ring or risk making him upset anymore. Don't waste your time waiting around for someone who didn't think you were worth enough to commit to.

You managed just fine before you and your ex got together and you can manage just fine now. It may take some time but you can find happiness and fulfillment without relying on him and here's the secret. Once he realizes you don't "need" him to be happy, he'll start to be jealous of your happiness. He'll start facing the possibility that he may be watching you move on and that he may not have the opportunity to get back together with you after all. You may meet another guy while you're out on the town - who knows. All that matters is that he's figuring out that he may have been wrong about this process all along.

You need to pay careful attention to your actions, your reactions and your behavior. Nothing can ruin your potential faster than trying to run in blind just swinging at any idea that pops into your mind. The better prepared you are the more likely you are to get him back for good.

Your Next Steps

To stop your time apart descending into a break up, you need to take proactive action fast. You need to make him miss you first of all, because if he doesn't he will have no reason to want to get back in contact with you. You also need to understand about why he wants a break in the first place to really identify the causes and put them right.

Another key technique at your disposal is to make him want you back. If you can pull this off he will soon stop your break and ask to give things another go, the best thing is that he won't know that you are encouraging him to come back behind the scenes.


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