When a relationship ends suddenly, the shock can be really powerful. It is difficult to believe that things really are over. You are left feeling that is all a bad dream and that everything will be OK in the morning. It can take a bit of time to get to grips with the reality.

Lots of guys find it hard to accept that their girlfriend has simply walked away from them. She must have had a reason, but maybe she has been unable or unwilling to explain it. Getting to know more about her reasons is important, but if you really believe that this not the end then you must have a strategy for getting her back.

First you need to be sure that getting back together is really what you want. Do you still genuinely love her and want to be with her? Or are you trying to avoid being alone or to get back at her for dumping you? Playing revenge games is a waste of the energy you could be using to rebuild your life, and they have a nasty habit of rebounding on the person playing them; so it is better to avoid going down that route.

If you are sure about your motives, then it is important that you don’t appear needy or desperate. Keeping your emotions under control is crucial, but it is not going to be easy. Do not beg or plead with her to take you back – this will have exactly the opposite effect, and could make her want to avoid you completely. If you need to talk about your problems, do so to a friend or someone you can trust.

You must also avoid any behaviour that could be interpreted as stalking. Women are very sensitive to this, and may interpret almost any unwanted pursuit in this way. So don’t try and force her to talk to you by turning up at places where you think she might be, unless it is a social occasion to which you have been invited. Any kind of lying in wait for her is a bad idea, and by upsetting her you will have already lost the chance that she will listen to you sympathetically.

Spend some time trying to understand why the relationship went wrong. You need to be able to put this right to have any hope of reviving it, so think about what caused the problems or rows that ended it. If it was down to something you did – or didn’t - do, then do some work on it so that you can convince her that the future can be very different.

Fill your time with activities that will keep your mood positive and upbeat. This means not moping at home, or looking miserable when you are out. Work on yourself both physically and socially. Move your exercise regime up a notch or two, and meet up with your friends. Being seen having fun in the company of hot women will raise your confidence and your social value.

Keep the lines of communication open and be friendly and casual when you meet. Show her that you are fine without her, and you will awaken the fear in her that she may have lost you. By giving her this space, she will have the chance to miss you, and to remember why she fell for you in the first place. If you are positive and upbeat when you meet, it will awaken all her good memories of you and your time together and make her regret the loss of your relationship.

Once she has had the time to miss you and see the changes in you, she is more likely to start thinking positively about getting back together with you. This is the time to think about having a few casual dates. Keep them short, such as having coffee together so you can catch up. Don’t actually call them dates – let her wonder about your intentions. Try to make them fun, so that she relaxes in your company and looks forward to seeing you again. Don’t rush things here, but let you new relationship develop at its own pace; and you will have a real chance to get your girlfriend back.