A break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t have to be final. Lots of people go through problems in their relationships, and you are no different. These same people often find ways to solve their problems and get back together, and so can you. So if you want to get back with your ex then take heart, because it is more possible than you might think.

But you need to know how to act in the first crucial weeks following the break up, or you will put your relationship under even more strain, and drive your ex further away. This is the time when lots of people make bad mistakes because they are letting their emotions rule their actions.

Beware! At this time your emotions and natural instincts are the WORST guide you could follow. To get your ex back, you must behave in a way that is completely counter-intuitive to what you want to do.

Most important of all, you need to appear confident and cheerful – especially in the eyes of your ex. Obviously this is far from how you are feeling, so you will need to put on a brave show. Appearing calm and cheerful will be last thing your ex will expect, and it will surprise and confuse them. Seeing you moving on with your life will do more than anything to raise your standing in their eyes, and make them wonder whether they have done the right thing.

Try and find things to do that will keep you occupied and stop you from brooding on the break up. Don’t show any outward sign of depression or desperation. Make it clear that you are doing fine without them and are cool about the breakup. You need to show that you can handle this emotional situation and that you are surviving very well on your own.

Go out and have an active social life. Make your ex see that your friends appreciate you and enjoy being around you. You need the support of people with positive attitudes and kind hearts, and when they see you having fun your ex will start to see you in a new light. It may be a little cynical, but seeing your rising popularity will raise your value in the eyes of your ex. This will make them start to rethink their options.

Make sure you look good too, however much of an effort you find it. Remember you are aiming to convince your ex that he or she has been a fool to let you go. This means not just dressing well, although that is important, but also taking care to walk tall, smile and look happy when you are out and about. You want your ex to see you as a great prize that they don’t want to lose. You want to inspire them actively to want to get back together with you.

Give yourself a few weeks to create this impression before you consider any moves to rekindle your relationship. Give your ex a chance to make the first move. And above all, don’t make the mistake of trying to make things happen too quickly when you do see them – play it cool and a little hard to get, and let things develop at their natural pace – or even a bit slower. Make sure your ex earns the right to get back into your life, so that they will put in the effort necessary to make your new relationship work.