Do you feel like you are about to lose your relationship? Do you feel as though even the most ordinary of conversations turn into an argument? Well I am about to tell you why.

Numerous times relationships crumble because either you and/or your partner are feeling as though they are not understood. We are constantly trying to get them to understand US, and we don’t try to understand them. This can cause major problems in your relationship that will most likely lead to a break up.

So how can this be fixed?

Well they key to fixing this is going to be to do exactly what you don’t feel like doing when we are trying to get our partner to understand us. And that is to first understand them, and display that understanding to them.

So instead of focusing on getting your point across, you are going to listen to theirs and then let them know that you understand. For example you would start off by saying: “So what you’re saying is..” and then explain what you feel their position to be.

Your partner will then listen and then either agree or correct you. You continue until you are sure that your partner is feeling understood.

The reason why this is so effective is because once your partner feels understood, they will try to understand you and your position, which will then lead to you both finding common ground and you can work on a solution.

Allow me to provide you with an example:

*You and you partner have decided you want to see a movie*

John : "Let’s check out that new horror, I heard it really freaky.”

Jane: “Na, I’m in the mood for a romantic movie tonight, you know I don’t like scary movies.”

John: “We watched a romantic movie last week!”

Jane: “Exactly, a week ago, so it hardly counts!”

John: “Fine, you never let me decide what we watch!”

Jane: “Here we go again.”

*And yet another argument breaks out*

The better alternative:

John : "Let’s check out that new horror, I heard it really freaky.”

Jane: “Freaky huh? Sounds like you in the mood for something different, we hardly ever watch scary movies.”

John: “Yeah I just want something exciting that’ll get my heart going.”

Jane: "Yeah I could use some excitement, although I am a bit worried about watching a horror movie, they do tend to freak me out quite a bit, I often lose sleep.”

John: “Oh sorry, I forgot you don’t like them. How about an action movie then? Still loads of excitement but it won’t stop you from sleeping."

Jane: “That sounds great! Maybe you can watch a scary movie another time with your mates.”

See how the argument was avoided? If you make the effort to understand you partner, they will do the same. This can also be effective if you need to make up with your partner, as well as to prevent arguments.