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I Cheated And Got Dumped - Can I Get My Ex Back?
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I Cheated And Got Dumped  -  Can I Get My Ex Back?

You probably expected your girlfriend or boyfriend to dump you after they found out that you cheated on them. You would do the same wouldn't you? It is only natural for your ex to hit out at you in any way that they can when you cheated on them. They want you to feel hurt like them to know what it is like.

To get your ex back after cheating you have to understand a few things first. Not all relationships can be saved. Some people just cannot forgive no matter what you do. It also depends upon the cheating. Was it a meaningless drunken kiss or something more serious and prolonged? This will play a huge part in how your ex feels and if they can get past your cheating.

Be Honest With Yourself - Why Did You Cheat?

You also have to be completely honest with yourself and your ex here if you want to get them back. There is no point in lying to yourself that it is over if you don't want it to be. If you have feelings for the person that you cheated with then you can't lead your ex on anymore.

Would you still be cheating on your ex if they hadn't found out about it? If the answer is yes then you have to ask yourself why. Cheating is a sign that something is wrong in your relationship and your ex knows this. If you were looking for someone else to fill a gap then why do you want to get your ex back? Cheating is also a sign that you do not respect the other person, your ex knows this too and is a big reason why they broke up with you.

If you don't really respect your ex or weren't really happy then maybe the best thing for both of you is to go your separate ways. The worst thing that could happen is that you continue to stray again and again and damage your ex beyond repair. Be honest with yourself first and work out what you REALLY want. If you have decided that the cheating was a stupid mistake that will not be repeated then there are things that you can do about it.

The Good News

Your ex took drastic action because they didn't know what else to do. If they had accepted the cheating and remained in a relationship with you there was a chance that you would do it again. They felt that they wouldn't have any self respect anymore or that you would take them for granted. The only option open to them was to end things, even if they didn't really want that to happen.

The good news is that your ex was acting out of spite, anger and emotion. This means that these feelings will dissipate over time and they will start questioning if they did the right thing. Your ex didn't stop loving you either. You forced them to start seeing you differently because of your cheating. Those feelings of love and attachment are still there, they are buried beneath all of the anger, resentment and bitterness that they are feeling right now.

When your relationship didn't just dwindle gradually, but was forced to end prematurely, there are a lot of unresolved feelings lurking around. This is the case now. Living without you will be a huge shock to your ex because they didn't have the chance to get used to it or prepare themselves beforehand. Essentially this means that there is a good chance that you can use their existing feelings to make them remember how good you were together and get your ex back.

Forgive And Forget

This is easier said than done and will be a huge undertaking for your ex. There is a sea of conflicting emotions going on in your ex's head and heart right now. If you push things and don't see things from their perspective then there is a risk that you will push them away from you even more. You need to be patient and give your ex the space that they need to sort things out in their own head.

You also need to be honest with your ex if they want to know the reasons behind your cheating. This doesn't mean that you divulge anything that could potentially hurt them and make them feel even more insecure. You have to pick your words carefully, but be sincere and apologetic. Let your ex know that the cheating was a big mistake that was a one off.

To be forgiven for cheating you must deal with the real reasons about why it happened. Otherwise it will keep coming up in conversations and rows in the ensuing weeks, months and years. Your ex will always use it against you and the bitterness will eat at both of you, eventually destroying your relationship for good.

Bringing things out in the open and dealing with them in a mature manner will enable your ex to trust you again. If they can see that you are making an effort and that you are letting them in this will subsequently make them open up too. You need this emotional trust and closeness to repair the damage that your cheating has created. Long candid chats will bring the both of you closer than before and strengthen your bonds.

There is no point trying to patch things up with a sticking plaster and not dealing with the root causes. It might be okay for a while, but eventually the sores and damage created by all of the lies will start to smart and hurt again. The next time it might be too late to do anything about it.

It is important to realise that you can't be forgiven overnight either. It just doesn't work like that. You have to be prepared to take a few ear bashings and deal with the storm of emotions that your ex wants to hurl in your direction. This is no less than you deserve. You both have to work at forgiveness. If you are serious about getting your ex back then YOU have to put in the effort too and show them that they can trust you again.

Giving your ex time is essential here. They have to deal with the news of your cheating in their own way and on their own terms. The need to process what has just happened and evaluate whether or not your relationship is worth fighting for. Remember that you are the last person that they want to see or talk to right now, it will just hurt too much. You have to wait for them to reach out and be ready to talk. Make sure that you make this clear to them - you will give them space but you want to sort it out properly. Then the ball is in their court.

Your Next Steps

You need a plan and you need to stick to it. This is a very delicate situation that you must treat correctly in order to fix things and get forgiveness. One of the first things that you should be doing is to make your ex miss you. If your ex doesn't miss you then they will never want to get back together with you.

You also need to be able to read the signs ex still likes you. Recognising what your ex does and says and what it really means will allow you to know where you really stand with them and if you have a chance of getting your ex back.


Street Talk

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