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error in judgment
insult to injury
uncomfortable position
breakups
decisive action
impossible task
breeding ground
fact of the matter
infidelity
willingness
bottom line
I Cheated On Him - Will He Take Me Back?
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I Cheated On Him  -  Will He Take Me Back?

Incidents of unfaithfulness are easily one of the top causes for breakups, and it's not hard to see why. It's extraordinary difficult to recover when you cheated on him - but not an impossible task. If you realize your error in judgment a little bit too late, you still have a chance to recover - but it takes a lot of patience, determination and some brutal honesty. In order to win back your ex's heart (and more importantly his trust) you need to take some decisive action sooner rather than later. This involves putting yourself in his position and exhibiting a willingness to face the facts by admitting what you've done without trying to defer blame or minimalize what's happened.

"Man Up" and Admit Fault - "I Cheated On Him"

It may seem obvious, but it's astounding how many people are confronted with evidence of their infidelity but still try to deny that it ever happened. The fact of the matter is it doesn't really matter how things went down. The bottom line is that regardless of how many times it happened or how the truth came to light, you need to admit that you cheated. Admitting fault automatically puts people in an uncomfortable position, but lying here is adding insult to injury and ruining any chance you have of being trusted down the road - and eliminates that road entirely in the process. You have no way of knowing what your ex knows about the situation and if you try to sidestep the issue, you're only going to create a breeding ground for future resentments.

Accept the Blame for Your Actions:

Being blamed for something is no fun. While it may seem worse to be accused of something when you know that you're not guilty, at least then you get the added benefit of righteous indignation. When you're blamed for something that you ARE guilty of, there is really nowhere to hide. That doesn't mean that valiant efforts aren't continually made to try and dodge the blame bullet. No matter how evasive you are, it's going to catch up with you eventually. It's probably better to just accept it and get it over with than to allow momentum to make the fallout much, much worse over time.

Give Him Some Room:

It's understandable that with all of this highly volatile information, your boyfriend (or your ex-boyfriend, depending on the fallout in your particular circumstances) is going to need some time to process the information. As much as you want to get all the answers right now and avoid the sensation of being in limbo, pushing him right now is working against your own best interests. It's best to allow him this time to consider his options without the added burden of unnecessary interference.

If you want to save your relationship, the critical thing throughout this time is somehow getting your ex-boyfriend to realize that he misses you. While it may seem impossible given the situation, it makes sense when you dig a little deeper. Unlike a lot of other breakup scenarios, relationships that end due to infidelity are usually knee-jerk reactions to extreme emotional upheaval. Your ex clearly still has feelings for you, or he wouldn't be so upset. When you give him some space and don't pester him for answers, he's going to wonder why. Not only will this tap into his insecurity, it will make him realize almost immediately what life would be like without you in it. He's going to have to figure out if that's something that he can live with or not.

Be Steadfast in your Convictions:

Once you and your ex are able to talk again, it's important for you to be aware of his residual feelings. Undergoing an affair can often seem like post-traumatic stress disorder and certain things that were funny or understood between you prior to all your dirty laundry being displayed may now be off-limits. That doesn't mean that you should feel as though you're walking on eggshells. It's enough to simply be extra-sensitive to his emotional state. If issues do arise, it's important to deal with them in the moment and not try to ignore them and hope they dissipate on their own.

If you have a chance of achieving a relationship, at some point you have to come together as a team - even if it means that you still face some areas of discomfort. Expect that there is going to be some lasting insecurity issues on his part and be willing to reassure him and dispel those fears without trivializing them. Only then can you start recognizing the important aspects that should be hashed out that can then revitalize and recreate your bond and build a new relationship that's stronger and more committed than the old one.

Your Next Steps

Cheating on your boyfriend is a huge mistake and something that you probably regret terribly. If you can convince him of this you have a good chance of getting him back. There are things that you have to know about the male psyche first though. Try to see things from his perspective first of all and avoid these break up mistakes that women are guilty of. Looking at your behaviour through his eyes will give you a good indication of what you have been doing wrong thus far.

Are you curious about how he really feels about you? Then you need to be on the look out for signs he still loves you. This will help you to determine if fighting for him is worth your while.


Street Talk

i have just read your article and i found it very informative. it will go along way in helping others whose needs are in this area. thank you

Reply
  about 1 decade ago
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