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I Found Out That My Ex Boyfriend Is Seeing Someone - What Do I Do?
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I Found Out That My Ex Boyfriend Is Seeing Someone  -  What Do I Do?

When you just find out that your ex boyfriend is seeing someone, it can knock the wind out of you and leave you reeling. This is not going to be an easy time for you and you will have to accept that. How difficult it will be is down to you though - you can either mope around and lament your current situation or you can do something about it. I think you should choose the latter.

Do You Want Him Back?

You may think that this is impossible now that you found out that he is seeing someone new. This is not the case though. Guys jump into new rebound relationships all the time and they rarely if ever work out. That is why they have not adequately dealt with their feelings from the previous relationship and are trying to ignore them. This will only last for so long before they realise that they have made a terrible decision and that no other girl will replace their ex girlfriend.

If you want to get him back then you have to be smart and patient about things, initially you have to stay away from them and give you both the time and space that you will need to work things out. It can be done though if you avoid common pitfalls that women like you make in your situation. Never act on impulse and you have a good chance of making him come back to you.

Stay Away And Disappear From His Life

I know that this sounds hard and it is something that you don't want to do. Realistically though, what are you going to do? Try and infiltrate him on a date and hope that the other girl just drops off the face of the planet? Follow him around until he realises what he has lost? Have it out with him, tell him how much you miss him? These things DO NOT work and will only push your ex boyfriend further away from you and make him closer to his new girlfriend.

You do not want to come off as unhinged or childish. You have to accept things the way that they are right now and see the bigger picture. He has to come to the realization that he has a made a mistake on his own or it won't work. Allow things to unfold naturally and you will have a much better chance of succeeding. Don't be tempted to call him at this stage, that comes in the next step. You have to allow him the honeymoon phase of his new relationship first, after that the doubt will creep in.

Rebuilding Contact And Trust Again

You have been off the scene for a while and he is starting to wonder what has happened to you. The honeymoon phase of his new relationship is over and things will not be as rosy as they once were. This is your time to initiate contact. It has to be a laid-back and pleasant kind of contact though - don't spill your guts at this stage or you won't get him back.

Communication builds trust. It's not an instantaneous process and you have to be patient. Don't jump the gun and take things too far too quickly. You're allowing him a chance to trust you again and once he does he will start to share things about himself and his life that gives you a bird's eye view of his current world.

You two used to be incredibly close and those feelings will start to resurface naturally. He may start asking for your help or your advice. If he starts opening up to you about challenges that he's facing, it's an incredibly good sign. If he starts discussing issues within his new relationship, let him vent. You can offer him suggestions without giving him the impression that you're judging or condemning his new girl. You want to pay careful attention to everything he says - these tidbits can come in handy later.

Once you've maintained steady contact over time, distance communication will cease to be sufficient. Your ex-boyfriend will bring up the subject of getting together in person over coffee - or hanging out after work. You need to make sure to steer the meet up to somewhere that you both feel comfortable without any added pressure. Anxiety will sure come into play for both of you, but play it cool.

Stay away from discussing your breakup or anything that could end badly. He may bring up memories that he has of you and those should be encouraged. Once your time together is finished, end it on a positive note. Make seeing you again a top priority in his mind. With every amount of time you spend together your bond is being reestablished.

Before much longer you will be able to swoop in for the kill. He will be given off certain signs that may not be obvious but if you watch him closely you'll find them. Make sure you return his signals equally and let him know that you're interested. Once you two touch again the sparks are going to fly and they're going to be impossible to ignore for either of you.

Warning - Don't Be Intimate With Him At This Stage

Don't rush back into bed with your ex prematurely no matter how tempting it may be. If you give in too quickly you could complicate matters and delay an eventual reconciliation. The best thing you can do now is to simply wait it out. He may not be ready to cut ties with his girlfriend right now but he will. You have a much better chance of getting him back for good if he believes that the idea began in his own mind - not yours. That way no underlying resentment has a chance to take root and you can be on the road to a long, happy and successful new relationship.

Your Next Steps

You should be on the look out for signs he still loves you at this stage. There will be certain things that he is saying or doing that will give you the go ahead to take things further. If these signs are apparent you will then have to take things up a notch and implement techniques that will attract your ex boyfriend. Take things slowly though and be patient, otherwise all of your work up until this point will have been in vain.

Street Talk

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