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My Boyfriend Is Asking For Space - What Will I Do?
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My Boyfriend Is Asking For Space  -  What Will I Do?

You thought that everything was going fine in your relationship. Sure, you hit a few bumps in the road but that's to be expected. No relationship is perfect all of the time and it is through hardship that people grow closer together. If your boyfriend has approached you with the idea of taking a break from the relationship in general, you need to act - but you need to do it with your best interest in mind, with an eye towards your joint future.

"I feel a little crowded - I need some space…"

Maybe you got the impression that things weren't quite right. Something seemed a little off but you couldn't put your finger on what it was - until your boyfriend approached you with the idea of taking a break. It's easy to go into a tailspin when you hear the news. However, if you take the initiate to react appropriately to an unwelcomed situation, you can turn it around and build the foundations of a new, renewed and healthy relationship overall.

You may start realizing that there may be a hidden agenda underlying your boyfriend's request. Does he have something in mind? Is there someone else? Is he just looking to escape but doesn't want to come right out and say it? Your questions are valid, but you're not going to have much luck forcing an answer. In fact, if you try to broach the subject, you're going to be met with fierce resistance.

First Steps and Initial Reactions

Your first instinct is to put up a fight. You care about your relationship and you love your boyfriend so you should show him how much he means to you by refusing to play along, right? Wrong. If you start questioning him endlessly or chasing him down for some time together, he's going to respond negatively. He's not going to see your efforts as something to be applauded - he's going to see it as a ploy to get him back and he's not ready to consider that possibility. In fact, if you continue down that path, the possibility of reconciliation slips even further away.

Pursuing a relationship with someone who has clearly already come to a decision to the contrary is no way to handle a situation that already puts you on shaky ground. What can you do proactively to get your relationship back on track?

You can start by coming to an agreement about what your break entails. This doesn't mean that you have to go along with everything he says - quite the contrary. He initiated this time apart but he doesn't get to make all the rules up as he goes along. After that, the best thing you can do (at least as far as he's concerned) is nothing. Go off the grid. Don't respond to his messages or phone calls, and whatever you do, don't initiate contact. You're taking him at his word - he said that he wanted space and he wanted to put the relationship on hold so give him the space he asked for and more. Once he realizes things aren't quite going according to plan, he's going to be faced with a big void in his everyday life where you used to be - and that's going to make him miss you.

Give Him Space In Spades

Your ex-boyfriend may have come up with this brilliant idea completely on his own terms but that doesn't mean that you're bound by his expectations. It's quite possible that throughout this time, he may start to feel a little alone. He'll want someone in the background that he can rely on for comfort and support. Let him know that someone is not going to be you.

If he's no longer bound by a commitment to you, you're not obligated to behave the way he expects. You need to keep your self-respect intact and that can't happen if he's just showing up when he feels like it and then vanishing without a trace for days on end. Being used by someone you love is a heartbreak waiting to happen and you owe yourself more than that.

The fact of the matter is that space is not what's on his mind. He's giving you a breakup test run without having to deal with the fallout. Your pseudo-relationship has become completely one-sided and nothing about this situation is fair to you. You can't reach out and talk to him without him acting like you're invading his personal bubble, but he can call you whenever he wants to - and he probably expects you to be waiting by the phone to answer.

You don't have to sit there patiently on the couch on the off-chance that today may be a day that he decides to talk. Don't give him the satisfaction. He believes that by taking a "break" he can stick you in a corner so he can pull you out at will - then stick you back there when he's done. As long as you try to play by his rules, he's never going to decide to return and you will never get him back.

Get Him to Want a Relationship Again

It's not an impossible feat - far from it. The truth that has to be considered here is that, by going along with everything your (ex) boyfriend has decided for you, you're giving him the impression that the break is no big deal - and that you're okay with it. Instead of just going with the flow, take your relationship back.

In order to start the process, you have to get your ex to realize that he's in danger of losing you for good. Stopping contact is a good way to start. Apart from that, you can go on about your life like everything is normal. Get together with some girlfriends and have some fun. Now is the time to let everything go and rediscover the meaning of enjoying life on your own. The secret is that by doing these things, your ex is going to feel jealous. He's not expecting you to go on without him. He's expecting that you're going to be sitting by the phone waiting on him - not out on the town having a good time.

If you show your ex that you don't need him around in order to be happy, he's going to get the feeling that you may be distancing yourself from him for good. He's going to start thinking about who you're spending time with when you're not with him. All of this adds up to one simple reality - he's going to see you as someone he wants to hold on to - and he's going to start wanting to be in a relationship with you again.

In order to give yourself the best possible outcome, don't just play things by ear. Now is the time to know where you're headed and know what actions to take. What you do now matters - not what happens down the road.

Your Next Steps

There are specific signs he still loves you, this is the first thing that you will have to work out if you are serious about getting back together. If you want to get him back then it is a good idea to make him miss you first and foremost. This is crucial to make him see sense.

The no contact rule will also have to be studied if you want to be successful. Get these techniques right and you will create a huge desire for you in him again. This is especially effective if he is ignoring you at the moment and nothing you do gets a response from him.


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