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My Boyfriend Needs Space - What To Do About It
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My Boyfriend Needs Space  -  What To Do About It

Of all the times you wish you could be a mind reader, none hits closer to home than hearing that your boyfriend wants to take a break from a relationship that you've invested so much time, energy and emotion into. You want to know what he's thinking and what his intentions are. You want to be able to understand, but the harder you try, the more frustrated you become.

The request for space on the part of a current romantic partner I a difficult and gut-wrenching process. You know that if you put up a fight you stand to lose everything. You don't want him to feel like you're putting any additional pressure on him but at the same time you're left in the lurch and you don't know up from down anymore.

Any misstep here could turn your relationship break into a breakup, and you feel like you're walking on extremely thin ice. You want to scream about how unfair it is - and you're right. Nothing about this situation is fair to you and your boyfriend is putting his desires and needs above yours - in fact, he's not considering yours at all.

Bridging The Gap - Making Your Initial Moves

You don't understand how someone can want a break from their relationship - it's not like asking for a vacation from work. Relationships are real life and there's supposed to be a commitment involved. Breaks aren't supposed to fit into the equation. You can't fight it - he has made his decision and he seems resolute. Constructing an argument now will get you nowhere, and you know it.

If you can't put up a fight, what can you do to take action without making the situation worse?

The first thing you need to do is get a very clear idea of what this "break" entails. Contrary to what your boyfriend may believe, he doesn't get to make up all the rules as he goes along and then break them when it suites his fancy - all the while expecting you to adhere to his guidelines. While nothing about this situation is fair, some things are just more than you should be expected to take.

The second part of the plan involves removing yourself from your boyfriend's life completely. Stop all contact. Don't talk to him on Facebook. Don't text him over your morning coffee. Don't call him while you're coming home from the gym. Drop out of sight, and don't be subtle about it. Once he realizes that you're gone he can start realizing that he misses you after all - and this is a step in the right direction.

Give Him What He Asked For

When your boyfriend asked for space, he never realized that would mean losing contact with you altogether. He wanted to keep you around in case he started to get lonely or had a night to himself. He wanted to reap the benefits of a semi-relationship without being boxed in by the constraints like honesty, commitment or fidelity.

If you allow him to walk all over you and give in to every whim, you're letting him know that it's okay to treat you as less than an equal partner, and you're not. You'll start to realize that he's just using you and then tossing you aside. Unlike a breakup that can include one large rejection, you're being subjected to multiple little ones over and over again - and it's not going to stop as long as you let him get away with it.

You're facing down a gigantic double standard. Your ex is allowed to do anything that he wants, but you aren't granted the same courtesy. If you take the initiative to call or text him, he views it as a sign of disrespect for the break that he's put into place.

You have to wait for him to reach out, but you can't make contact. You feel as if anything you do will be viewed negatively and that you truly can't win - and you'd be right. The fact of the matter is that he's going to keep this going for as long as he possibly can - he has no reason to want it to stop, but you do.

Rekindle His Interest In A Relationship

Obviously you need to get your ex to start thinking about a relationship again in order to stop this process in its tracks. If you've maintained your no-contact policy strictly he's already missing you. That doesn't mean that he's ready to take it all back and come running home with open arms. Sometimes a little something extra will do the trick and force him to face real reality - and not the world he's invented for himself where everything goes by his rules.

Sometimes guys will need a nudge (or a push down a flight of stairs) in the right direction and this can be accomplished by using his natural emotions. Knock his socks off by proving him wrong. You're not a doting little housewife who is going to do the laundry and make dinner and read books forever. You're also not going to allow yourself to sink into a spiral of despair just because some guy didn't realize what he had and he left you out to dry.

Don't become a cliché - get out there and do something about it. You probably spent most of your free time with your ex throughout the course of your relationship. Reconnect with some of your old friends. Meet up with an old crew and go out on the town. Start a weekly girl's night out or begin an office happy hour after work.

By refusing to play the victim while mourning the loss of your relationship, you're showing your ex that you're strong enough to handle whatever he throws at you. That will make him jealous and territorial and that will set the ball rolling in the direction you definitely want it to go.

When you have a plan in place you aren't forced to simply react with whatever comes your way. You're prepared and knowledgeable and ready to face the world and that puts you in the best possible place to encourage and welcome success.

Your Next Steps

You now need a plan of action to make him realise that time apart is not what he really wants. To do this you will first have to make him miss you. Once he sees the impact of your disappearance in his life, he will soon come to his senses. That is not all though, creating desire and mystery again is a big part of the equation. You have to make him want you back to be successful. This is easier than it may sound.

Want to know if your plan is working or whether you stand any chance at all of getting him back? You will have to learn to read his body language, decipher his actions and read between the lines when he tells you things. The best way to know where you stand with him is to be able to read these signs he still loves you. Let's face it, there is no point putting all of this effort into getting him back if he is just not interested. It will cause you even more stress and hurt in the long run.


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