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My Boyfriend Wants A Break But I Don't - What Will I Do?
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My Boyfriend Wants A Break But I Don\'t  -  What Will I Do?

If you think that receiving this speech about space or taking a break from an existing relationship puts you in an elite club you're a tad bit mistaken. Unfortunately this is not as uncommon as it may originally seem. Women have been getting versions of this excuse for a long while and not everyone handles it the same way. How you choose to react now can determine whether or not your break becomes a breakup or if there's really hope that he'll return ready to commit again.

Sometimes there seems to be a few warning signs that pop up along the way - your boyfriend may have seemed a lot more distant than normal. Maybe he hasn't been answering your texts or phone calls as quickly as he once did. Maybe you never guessed this could happen at all. If you aren't prepared it's easy to panic although panicking is one of the worse moves you could make.

You wish that you could understand what was really going on. You don't know where this idea came from - and part of you sincerely wishes that he'd just man up and end things so you wouldn't be left dangling here without any concrete answers. Overall, you sincerely want the relationship to continue and you'd do almost anything to get him to recognize that you really do belong together. You know that if you start pressing him for some concrete answers to your valid and important questions he's going to disappear entirely.

After the Talk - Your Beginning Steps

Even worse than panicking at the news that your man needs some time away from you is refusing to go along with his plan. He may not have all the answers that you want or need on hand but he's certainly not going to welcome the idea of you throwing yourself at his feet and begging for mercy. Even worse is the idea that you can somehow get your relationship back the way it was by pitching a fit and fighting his decision. Any moves in this direction will almost guarantee that a breakup is right around the corner.

So if you can't fight for what you want what can you do to turn things around?

First off some ground rules need to be put in place - and this is where you really need to assert yourself wisely. You probably realize that if your boyfriend sets his own rules he is stacking the deck - he's making sure that he has all of the freedom he needs to do whatever he wants while you are left home alone waiting for his eventual return. The best thing you can do (as counterproductive as it may appear) is to give him what he wants as far as time apart is concerned.

He Asked for It, He Got It

He wanted space. The easiest thing you can do (although it may be incredibly difficult for you) is to give him more space than he imagined. This means cutting all contact off completely. No more emails, phone calls, text messages or notes left on his windshield at all hours of the night. Leave him alone. Completely. You don't want to make yourself available to someone who only wants you when it's convenient - or when they feel bored or lonely. If you can pull this off suddenly and unexpectedly he's going to be forced to admit (at least inwardly) that he misses having you around and that's going to start to take a toll.

If he thinks he can get away with popping by whenever the idea strikes, he will. Then he'll vanish completely and you'll be unable to get in touch with him. Face it, if he's seriously looking for some space he won't take kindly to any action on your part that seems like an intrusion. Anything you do is going to be counterproductive unless you take the course of action that requires that you do nothing in regards to reaching out - at least as far as he can tell.

Think about what's going on in his mind right now if you can wade through all the muck and dodge the video game references constantly shooting around his head. He believes wholeheartedly that by asking for space or a break from the relationship and not breaking up with you outright that he has a built in excuse to go out and do whatever he wants without having to worry about what you may think. The catch is that he doesn't think the same thing applies when it comes to you. You're supposed to hold your breath and be patient until he returns but if you allow that expectation to be met he never will. He's in control now and until he realizes that his foundations are a bit less secure than he though he won't have a reason to want the constrictions of a relationship again.

Means to An End - Getting Him To Recognize that He Wants You

If you had every advantage in the world would you be willing to give it up? Neither would he. That's why phase two of your plan is so vital. You may have relied on your ex to provide your entertainment, your fulfillment or your happiness and finding any of those things without him may seem nearly impossible but they're not. Think about how you were when you were single before you and your ex first crossed paths. Sure the single life can have its drawbacks but it also has a lot of benefits for your self-esteem and your independence.

Now make it your goal to rediscover them. Go out and blow off some steam in a game of pool. Find a new favorite bar with some friends from work and grab a couple drinks. Most importantly, sincerely enjoy yourself. Space doesn't have to have a bad connotation if you choose to see it in a positive light. Once you can go out and assert yourself and rediscover your place in the world your ex will start to get jealous of your newfound joy since you're finding it without his help.

When he realizes that you're capable of being the girl he once knew - the girl he fell for initially and you are not simply hanging out at home in your pajamas waiting for a call, he's going to think that maybe you're over him. Maybe there's another guy out there that will see all the same things in you that he used to notice and maybe that guy will sweep you up before he can. All those thoughts will start to plague him and when his jealous, territorial side kicks in you will get him back - and an apology.

If you had reacted with your first impulse - to kick and scream and beg him to reconsider - you never would have found this place. That's why it's imperative to think things out carefully and not allow your emotions to control your actions. That's what gives you the upper hand and that is what makes you come out on top.

Your Next Steps

If you don't want your break to become a permanent reality, there are things that you need to do fast. First of all, understand why he wants a break in the first place and look at things from his perspective to fix things. You will also need to learn about male psychology if you want to make him miss you. The break will only be short-lived if you can pull this off and there are lots of techniques to help you. You will also have to be strict with yourself in terms of contact with him. If you get this aspect right, her will not be able to handle being without you. Good luck!


Street Talk

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