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My Boyfriend Wants To Be Friends But I Want More
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My Boyfriend Wants To Be Friends But I Want More

At some point in your life you may have found yourself having to end a relationship for one reason or another. This puts some people at a complex position of having to deal with an ex. Some wonder if they should cut off the ex completely considering the pain that they may have suffered from the breakup.

There are some who can still handle a friendship since they both agree that they may be better as friends than trying a relationship. This requires a high level of maturity and it may be too much to ask for some people. There is a chance of hurtful memories being rekindled and so there is a high potential for fights. You are probably wondering whether it is a good idea to give your ex a chance to be your friend.

So why would being friends with your ex be such a bad idea?

Remaining friends with an ex can eventually prove to be a dangerous idea, if you want him back that is. The bad thing about breakups is that there is rarely a breakup which takes place without one party getting hurt. More often than not it is sparked by one partner who decides to walk out before the other party is ready.

When the two try to remain friends, there is always the danger of the party who was not ready to let go taking that as a second chance. They may start entertaining hopes of getting back together which may lead to more hurt if the other party has already moved on. You may end up trying to look for reasons in his actions to rekindle the relationship. If you are the one who walked out, being his friend may pass the wrong message and he may also harbor hopes that you may decide to change your mind and take him back. It becomes a complicated situation where the person who walked is trying not to be rude while the one who was dumped remains at a risk of getting hurt again.

Friendship may seem like a good compromise at first since both of you are probably thinking what you had does not have to completely disappear just because you cannot be in a relationship. On the face of it, a friendship looks like it will be easier than the relationship you had since you are no longer responsible for the feelings of the other party. You both think that the fact that you are no longer dating means that you will not go through the same fights you went through as a couple but is this really the case? In reality this is not the case.

What happens when one of the partners demands more?

The truth is that the problems do not automatically disappear just because you quit the relationship. You may have ended the relationship but that does not mean that the physical attraction also died. When you hang out together especially in environments you used to frequent as a couple it may end up rekindling some emotions. This is more likely to happen when the two of you are drunk and it is easy to tell yourself that you can have sex without getting emotionally attached. The truth is, you cannot really keep the emotions away. If the man decides to treat it as 'just sex' you end up feeling used. It will be hard for you to reconcile the fact that you slept with him and he still feels you are nothing more than a friend.

What happens when someone else comes into the scene?

When someone new gets into the picture things get a bit complicated. Your ex no longer owes you any attention and suddenly there is this new woman who deserves his attention. How does it feel when he introduces you to her as his friend? How does it feel when he no longer has time for you like he used to because there is someone new? This can be so painful especially if you are not yet ready to move on. It is only natural for you to start feeling jealous.

The situation is also complicated when you are the one who meets someone new. Introducing them to your ex may not be such an easy matter. There is the question whether you should tell your new partner about your history with your friend. Men are not comfortable about you hanging out with someone who you have been intimate with in the past. You also would not be happy if your new partner was still spending most of his time with an ex.

If you want him back then it is not a good idea for you to try being his friend

You might think that being his friend after break up is a step in the right direction as far as getting him back is concerned. If you look at it critically you will see that it may not be such a bright idea. Since your ex is now single, it means that he is free to sleep with whoever he wants. You being his friend means that you may be aware of this but the sad part is that regardless of what you feel about him you cannot stop him. You end up getting hurt because when you are caught hoping that he would come back to you, he is busy having fun and going further away from you.

Just because he wants to be just friends, it does not mean that you have to go along with it, this will not help you get him back. If you want him back then you are better off looking at what led to the breakup in the first place. Find a way of sorting out those issues or completely changing your ways. You need to get out of the friend zone if you are interested in dating. Make your intentions clear before someone else seizes the opportunity.

Never ever settle for less or choose to compromise your happiness. Identify what you want and go all out to get it. If you want him back go get him back. Do not beat around the bush by playing the friend role. Show him what he is missing by not having you in his life. Make him yearn for you and do all in his power to get you back. Being friends with your ex boyfriend will not lead you anywhere, if anything, it will give him a green light to move on.

What Next?

Come up with a good plan to get him back. The first thing you need to do is find out if he still has feelings for you or if he wants to move on. Look out for these signs of affection if you want to know where you stand with him. If he has no feelings for you then you should not waste your time. If he has, go ahead and try expert techniques to make him want you again. You already know what he likes so this will not be a hard thing to do.

Street Talk

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