The day you and your ex boyfriend broke up you never could have imagined him with another woman. It's understandable. When you still have lingering feelings for a man, the notion of him spending time with someone new, is almost unfathomable. You feel confused by how he could move on so quickly and you fear that this new relationship will become a lifelong connection for him. It gets even more complicated if your ex boyfriend still reaches out to you from time-to-time. If he's still talking to you even though he's dating someone else, does that mean there's still hope for the two of you? Does it suggest that he only sees you as a friend or could it be more than that? It's hard to read between the lines when an ex boyfriend does this, but what's most important is how you handle it.
Don't Become His Relationship Advisor
It's very important that you draw a strong line in the sand when it comes to helping your ex boyfriend with his current relationship problems. He may view you as a trusted friend and that may translate into him feeling comfortable with the idea of sharing his relationship woes with you. You absolutely do not want to get into this position with your ex boyfriend.
If he starts viewing you as someone who can help him through the rough patches he's experiencing with his new girlfriend, you'll be viewed as a close friend and nothing more. Once the new relationship ends, you'll still be a close friend and that will quash any hope you may have had of getting back together with him.
You also don't want to hear the difficult details of what's going on with him and his new girlfriend. It's not only painful but it can impact any future romantic connection you two may have. It's hard to get past the fact that you two shared intimate knowledge of his relationship with another woman. This is just not a place you want or need to go with your ex.
Suggest Meeting His New Girlfriend
Obviously it will be awkward to meet his new girlfriend, but it's actually essential if you want to ensure there's hope that you two will get back together at some point. You can't be the secret friend that he's hiding from her. That may sound romantic, but it can be a recipe for disaster.
If you don't meet his new girlfriend and you continue talking to your ex, you may eventually become a thorn in their relationship's side. If she finds out that he's been chatting up his ex, she'll likely react in a negative and emotional way and you may pay the price. If he cares for her, and he's forced to choose between being with her and breaking off contact with you, he'll likely choose her and you'll be left in the dust.
Tell him that you respect their connection and you think it would be wise for you to meet her. This doesn't have to be a big deal and there shouldn't be a lot of planning that goes into it. Just arrange to meet them at a local coffee shop or for a quick lunch. Spend much of that time focused on her and don't allow her to see the longing in your eyes for your ex. If you can establish a friendship type connection with his new girl, you'll be guaranteeing that you won't become an ultimatum later on.
Keep Your Own Social Life
You may feel inside that you have to wait for your ex boyfriend to come to his senses and drop the new girl. In most cases, this is inevitably going to happen because rebound relationships just don't last. However, in the meantime, putting your life on hold isn't going to help in any way. In fact, it may hinder the process of getting him back.
When your ex boyfriend calls or texts you to see what's going on and you constantly say you're not busy, he's going to eventually put two and two together enough to realize you're waiting in the wings for him. You shouldn't allow that to happen. Get out and enjoy your life by hanging out with friends or even going on a few dates. You must show your ex boyfriend that you're more than willing to be his friend but your life, like his, is moving in a forward direction.
If he starts prying in terms of your relationship status, be vague. If he pushes tell him, in a joking way, that he should be focused on his new girlfriend. Small challenges like this will make him think about what he truly wants. That combined with the uncertainty of not knowing what you're up to may be enough for your ex boyfriend to question whether or not he's really with the right woman.
Tips to Move Forward
Having the right attitude is crucial when it comes to dealing with an ex boyfriend who is already dating someone new. There are things you need to do and also several things you should be avoiding at all costs. Gaining as much insight as you can into what your ex boyfriend feels and needs is imperative if you want to win back his love. He's the man you adore so it's up to you to take the bull by the horns and develop a plan to get him back that works. He loved you once deeply. Remember that you have the power to make it happen all over again.
Article Views: 5219 Report this Article