Step Rebuild Trust ~ The Cost Of Betrayal Are We Holding On To Someone Because Your Head Tells You To Hang On, Or Is It Your Heart Speaking To
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Step Rebuild Trust ~ The Cost Of Betrayal Are We Holding on to Someone Because Your Head Tells You to Hang On, Or is it Your Heart Speaking to

Are we holding on to someone because your head tells you to hang on, OR is it your heart speaking to you? If it were the other way around I would say HOLD ON because I trust my heart MORE than my head…. My head tends to be controlled more by my EGO.

Our EGO causes us to want which causes more wanting, this can come from a deeper wound you need to heal which continues to make us FEEL like we need to hang to them. Wants tend to be more fairy tale and fantasy which of course FEELS good and seems real but in time you will see it took you down the wrong road. From a spiritual point of view, which may NOT be what you WANT to hear, we may have an old abandonment issue that needs to surface or there is some forgiveness work that needs to be done, shame or guilt is another one that cause us to slip into darkness. Our EGO doesn’t want to lose, feel the pain of rejection, humiliation, loneliness. We need to ask ourselves “ WHAT are we holding on to or what are we afraid of? “ Emotions and feelings such as : guilt, shame, blame, resentment, revenge, anger, worry, and doubt, lurking in there, are all colors of fear….. Many times we may have a low sense of self-worth and feel as though we deserve the punishment and do NOT deserve the goodness of that other person. We don’t feel worthy of them. Relationships bring out the best and worst in us all. Its time to grow. And let it all go.

It takes WISDOM to let go of that person when the EGO wants to hold on and it takes COURAGE to hang on to them, even when the EGO is shouting for you to run, hide and to let them go. The bottom line is you can’t make someone LOVE you. You can’t make them hold on to you, or you them IF they want to. To want to is very powerful force, BUT, if the want is more a desire of the heart and soul this is even MORE powerful. Just like good always triumphs over bad, desire will in time, manifest to a brighter best place than ego centered want.

People run and feel the relationship is DONE and over for many reasons.

Betrayal and distrust are the biggest. It hurts so much, so much pain and self-suffering. Being rejected by your partner causes all sorts of old wounds to reopen and this opens up the dam of our fears and they come flooding in.

If you are the one who did the betrayal and broke the trust of the other, you/I/we need to be patient, kind, have compassion and let them do what they think and feel they must do to protect themselves. Give them freedom and space. I am a firm believer that IF you are meant to be, you will be. We can’t force this to happen. They need to work through this as a process. Anger and rage can cause them to go out of their own sense of control and do things they may regret later, but this is where forgiveness becomes so powerful. Here is my best heartfelt advice. Love is Love and Love is MORE powerful than fear.

Ask God~Spirit~Universe to speak to your heart and speak to the others persons heart as well. Ask that our best becomes better for what each truly needs. Surround each of you with love, peace, courage, strength and give each time to heal.

Trust may never again be given to the other who broke it unless the other wants to, and then once they want to, that seed by the power of LOVE will grow into a NEW even more beautiful relationship. All will be forgiven and all will be forgotten, dissolved into the deepest sea.

You see when we betray our partner we break a solemn oath, a vow of trust we made in our core values and beliefs and in the very fabric and bond of that relationship. TRUST is a corner stone of any relationship. Breaking the very foundation of trust can cause a major shift in your house. This can be the very reason it falls. AND it may never be able to be rebuilt again. How very sad, because this person may very well have been your souls mate.

This is part of our human condition. And for whatever the reasons you or they or both of you needed to learn a lesson and sometimes pain and loss are needed to burn away the resistance so you can let go and surrender to it… but OMG what a horrible way to learn.

It’s a law that for every action there is a reaction and so there is a consequence of our action. The reaction can be anger, rage, and revenge. The act of forgiveness may be far off in the distance.

Allow them to lash out and blame, let’s face it we hurt them, we hurt them very badly. How would you feel is the shoe was on the other foot?

THIS is why I say it takes such courage on their part to hold on to you, even if it’s only in a special place in their heart right now that they still keep you in. This is also why I say their ego wants them to RUN, they know this oh so well, it’s happened before … you need to realize that for them you have become toxic now.

We need to face our own human condition and sometimes we reach a point where repair can no longer be made. Like I said either because we just don’t want to anymore, or we have tried again and again and still that other person continues to lie and cheat and betray them again. How much can we expect them to endure? They lose faith in their partner, their heart breaks into a million pieces. Its gut wrenching, and sometimes you just want to die it hurts so bad. Your whole world goes upside down.

How selfish, foolish we are that we did this to potentially the best heart and soul that ever walked into our life and now you or they are walking out that door…. and let me tell you feel it when its slammed shut!

WHY does this happen? There are many lessons, but I can tell you we can learn from them all. This is true tragedy of our human condition, for BOTH people. By the time we heal and forgiveness is given to the one who betrayed it might be too late. All we can do is to give each the time and space they need to heal. Time as they say, heals all wounds. And time is relative, It can be months it can be days it can be hours

Some questions I have asked myself is What was I looking for that caused my eyes to wonder? Was it something inside me missing like my own intangible wealth of happiness and self-love? OR was it something they did NOT give me that i requested I needed from them? Perhaps I was immature, greedy self-centered and selfish. To blind to see what they had told me a hundred times before that the best thing in my life was right there standing in front of me and I just didn’t know it yet, my human eyes were too blind to see.

IF it sounds like I am judging you the reader, I am NOT, I am just thinking out loud and letting my heart speak as I was the one who betrayed the other and my heart and soul cry’s out now for forgiveness and to forgive myself. This takes WORK to do.

To be sorry is only half of it, no it’s less than half, but what can we do to mend that void in their heart??? I don’t claim to know. BUT I can tell you this time is going to be painful for you, but through that pain we will grow and in time gain and become a better man or woman to either them or the next relationship. We become better, friends, husbands, wives, partners, more intimate, deeper, richer.

I can tell you what I choose to do: I choose to list all the many wonderful acts of kindness and joy they gave me. A list of the love I felt from them. A list of all the many wonderful gifts and talents they have. What you so much appreciate about them that you did NOT see because your eyes were so blind searching for something we THINK is better than what we have and we ask for more ….how very sad and selfish we can be …I KNOW I am hard on myself…. we all makes mistake, but this is a HUGE ONE… we, I NEED to grow up and let go of whatever it is that is holding us back from our true happiness.

It’s so much easier for the one who finds NEW love …. they don’t need to heal your relationship, the new person will do that just fine. I know because I was that new person at one point.

BUT in time if we don’t do the work we need to do on ourselves this kind of thing can and often does repeat itself as we go from one relationship to the next. It is recommended we wait at least 6 months in-between relationships to heal and have closure before you begin the next one. If we do not learn from each lesson we are imprisoned to make the same scentless mistake which is our own insanity.

For me, I choose to use this time to grow and expand. To learn and seek the lesson and gift from this relationship. I need to feel the pain I caused (IF I DID) and to feel my own pain.. But I HOPE that like in child birth NEW life can be born after this pain. Life as a new relationship is born because we can NOT go back to what it was.

To my Gift, I want to say:

Just a few of the many wonderful acts of kindness and joy you gave me

• You loved me when I thought I was Unlovable

• You cared for me when I needed it

• You gave me a

• You healed me

• You were my sounding board for all my crazy ideas

• You allowed me the space to

• You shared my life and gave me yours and that was a priceless gift

• You brought me JOY and allowed me to give it to you as well

• You always

• You valued me and appreciated me for who I was when I thought I was lower than low

A list of all the many wonderful gifts and talents I see in you

• I love your generosity

• I love your unselfishness

• I love how you care for others and

• I love how you cared for

• I love how you try so hard to have peace in

• How you also think of the other person, in giving them a small gift, like you did for and so many others

• I see you as THE GIFT NOW

• Your smile is

What I so much appreciate and am grateful for

• I so appreciate how you

• How you shared all of what you had with me,

• Made me feel part of

• I so much appreciate you

• I loved how you worked with me

• How you forgave me when

• I love how much we enjoyed

Street Talk

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