You might be wondering, with the no contact rule, how long you'll need to instigate it. Basically, no contact is a time window in which you don't text, call, or email your ex at all. You keep contact with him limited to simple "hey" and "hello" if you have to see him.
30 days is what you should shoot for with a no contact period. This is a good time period because it allows you to:
1. Calm your mind after a breakup
2. Give yourself and your boyfriend a break from the fighting
3. Formulate a plan to get him back
Calming your mind after a breakup is critical. You really need to allow enough time to let these turbulent emotions fade before you try contacting your ex again.
Why is this so important? Because if you go after your ex again right after the breakup, you'll be contacting him in desperation mode, repeatedly texting and messaging him trying to figure otu what you did wrong.
In reality, the breakup probably wasn't anything you did at all; rather, it occurred most likely because he did not feel admired.
Men will check out of a relationship when their basic need to be admired isn't being met. They will then seek this out in another woman. This might seem egotistical or something, but it's really an old inborn biological trait from our earliest days. Men would go out and hunt, then return home to their women, and the women would admire how hard their men worked.
These days, of course, we don't do that. So without continually reminding your boyfriend of his accomplishments or simply his strength of character, it will be very hard to keep him.
Now, no contact is also important because it gives you both a chance to escape the pattern of fighting in your relationship. By instigating a no contact period of about 30 days, you can change the pattern to one of calm and harmony within your relationship.
You'll do this by ultimately contacting him again after the no contact period has elapsed. When you do, however, you don't want to contact him saying, "let's get together for a while" or anything like that. Your only goal with meeting him again should be to get seen by him after you've allowed enough time to pass after your breakup.
In addition, you should be focusing on yourself during the no contact period. You should be allowing yourself to eat healthy, work out for 30-60 minutes as many days as you can, and hanging out with friends. Now's your time to enjoy yourself and be single again, even just for a little bit.
You can also try going on a date with someone new. You're no longer obligated to your ex-boyfriend to do anything. So pick a new guy, ask him out, and just have fun with it. Even if your new date doesn't go anywhere, it will remind you of your own capability, and the fact that you are totally attractive to a lot of people besides just your ex.
Most people forget this after a breakup. But it's yet another reason the no contact rule is so useful. Really take advantage of the time you've got apart from your ex, and try to live your life to its fullest.
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